Break Down

All I want to do is cry
With the way you make me feel.
I'm slowly beginning to break down
And I'm scared of what you'll say.
I feel like I can't say what's on my mind.
I feel as though everything I've loved
Has desserted me.
I can't believe what you've done to me
I'm down on my knees
Pleading to break free.
After all these years
Of you violating me.
I don't know why you think it's alright
To call me names.
To abuse me mentally.
But now I'm willing to fight.
I'm at that point of no return
Where my break down is only going to get worse.
I'm at the point where I can't deside
If I should stay or should I go.
My shoulders shake
As I continue to cry.
My life slowly slips by
Disappearing into the blackened void
Never to be seen again.
It's true that time waits for no one
But once in break down mode
It feels like it stops forever.
For all you feel is that pain.
And that pain feels eternal.

Somedays

Somedays I feel so trapped
Pressured into saying yes
When all I want to say is no.

Somedays life passes before me
So quickly
That I feel I've missed out on something.

Somedays I just want to end it all
Knowing that things couldn't get worse
Once I'm gone.

Somedays I cry myself to sleep
Wishing that you were here
Keeping me safe.

Somedays I feel so invisible
That I could shout from the rooftops
And still not be heard.

Somedays I wish I could travel through time
And return to a simpler place
Where I was happy.

Somedays I answer you with one word sentences
Because I don't know how to respond
And I feel that if I said more an argument would begin.

Somedays I wake up
And feel like the luckiest girl in the world
Because I have you by my side.

Somedays I smile
And the whole world seems brighter
Even just for a moment or two.

Somedays I look back at yesterday
Remembering how we laughed
And I can't help but grin.

Because of you and how you make me feel
I can say goodbye to somedays
And say hello to the future.

The Kidney Heist

From the time she was born, Jessica Mitchell was told there was nothing special about her, so she spent the good portion of her life trying to make people see otherwise.

When she was three, she won a toddler beauty pageant. When she was ten, she won a creative art competition and her work was immortalized in a coffee table book. At her high school graduation, she was valedictorian. She had offers from all the best universities world wide. And yet, it still wasn't enough to please her parents.

Now, she was a freshman at Pendleton University, living in the most expensive dormitory that she couldn't really afford, with an equally snobby roommate.

She was struggling to stay afloat, especially when her tuition bill came in the mail the week before.  She needed $25,000 if she wanted to stay in class and in the dorm.

Majoring in medicine, Jessica divided most of her time between classes, the library and the on campus coffee shop.  She didn't have any spare time for work and calling her parents for a loan was never going to happen.

The day started like any other. Jessica woke as the sun shone through the lace curtains, warming her face. She stretched and yawned before making her way down the hall to the communal bathroom. She had a shower, washing her long chocolate brown hair. 

She turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. Jessica dried herself before using a hairdryer to dry her dark tresses. 

Wrapping a towel around her naked body, Jessica raced back to her room. Her roommate was still asleep, so as quietly as she could, Jessica rummaged through her closet until she found a clean pair of jeans and a simple white T-shirt.

Getting dressed, Jessica grabbed her purse and raced out the door.

The morning was beautiful. The trees waved gently back and forth in the spring breeze, their green foliage trapping the heat of the sun. 

Jessica hurried along the path to the coffee shop. “Morning, Adam,” she greeted, flashing the guy behind the counter a warm smile.

“Morning,” he replied, dropping the car magazine he was reading. “The usual?” Jessica nodded, pulling her wallet out. “Yes please. I've got a long day with Professor Welsh. And an even longer night planned,” she replied, handing over a twenty.

Adam chuckled as he busied himself making her latte. “Party tonight?” he asked, innocently, knowing that it wasn't really her scene. Jessica shook her head, chuckling slightly. “No, studying. If I want that internship, I have to hit the books.”  And find a job that pays well, she thought bitterly.

Handing over her change, Adam couldn't help but grin. “Just as long as they don't hit back,” he teased, flashing her a devilish grin.

Jessica groaned at Adam's attempt of humor. He was always joking around with the customers. In fact, she can't remember ever seeing him act serious.

As she waited for her latte, Jessica realized that she didn't know that much about Adam. Sure, he was cute. Anybody with eyes could see that. But he was mysterious. She knew he was a student at Pendleton because all employees at The Coffee House were. But aside from that, she was stumped when it came to the guy who made her coffee every morning.

“So, Adam, what are you studying?” she asked casually leaning against the counter.

“Economics,” he replied, handing her the freshly made latte. “I got Professor Campbell.”

“I heard he's tough,” she replied, taking a sip. Her tongue darted out of her mouth, licking the excess from her upper lip. Adam laughed, his green eyes sparkling. “Yeah, he's a hard ass, but at the same time, he's one of the best in the field so I'm learning a lot.”

Jessica grinned. “That's how I feel about Professor Welsh. Hard, but fair,” she said, batting her eyelashes seductively.

“You got Welsh? I don't envy you at all,” he teased, pushing his magazine aside and climbing up onto the counter.

“So, how come I never see you outside of our morning meetings?” he asked, brushing his blonde bangs out of his eyes. 

“What do you mean?”

“You're never at any of the campus parties. And with a professor like Welsh riding you, I thought you'd be looking to let your hair down a little.”

Jessica shrugged. “I'm not one for parties,” she answered truthfully. “My roommate is the partying kind and she gets in at all hours. Although, I didn't hear her get home last night.”

“Maybe she crashed somewhere.”

“Nah, she was in bed when I left this morning. Probably over did it on the tequila shots.” Adam chuckled. He knew exactly how Jessica's roommate was feeling. He had his fair share of purging on tequila.

He hopped off the counter and made his way to his book bag that was hanging up on a hook. After rummaging around for a minute he returned with a slip of pink paper in hand. He handed it to Jessica, before taking up residences on the bench again.

“What's this?” she asked, scanning the paper, her lips moving silently as she read.

“Party at the frat house tonight,” he explained. “I was hoping to skip it, but being a brother, I have to make an appearance. Maybe you could come to make it less like torture. Then, if you want, we could go some place else.” He shrugged, hoping he came off casual and cool, not desperate and sleazy.

Jessica glanced up at him. She bit her lip, searching his eyes. He was awfully cute and she was stressed with her workload. “What the hell,” she said, breaking into a smile. “I could use the break.”

Adam grinned and hopped off the counter as the door opened with more customers. “Awesome. I'll look for you there,” he said, before turning his attention to the other patrons.

Jessica moved out of the coffee shop, smiling to herself. She had scored a date with a super hot guy and she was going to her first ever frat party. She was excited, and as she strolled down the path she felt a little spring in her step as she mentally assessed her wardrobe, vetoing everything.

“Guess I'll have to go shopping,” she said out loud to herself, knowing that she couldn't really afford it.

That night, dressed to the nines in a slinky black dress that stopped above her knees, Jessica turned up to the frat house. Loud rock music was blaring out the window and there were people everywhere. Some girls were throwing up in the bushes. A couple of the guys were peeing on a wall. Some guy ran around in a bed sheet yelling, “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

As she entered the house, a beer cup containing some strange liquid was immediately placed in her hand. She smiled, thanking the anonymous beer donor, before moving into what she assumed was the living room. There, in the middle of the room, was Adam, chugging down a mini keg through a tube.

The crowd around him was chanting then began cheering when he held up the empty keg and tube. He dropped them and let out a loud burp, slapping high fives with a couple of people, before spotting Jessica as the crowd parted.

He made his way over to her. “And now that I've made my appearance, would you like to go somewhere else?” he asked, wiping his chin.

Jessica nodded. Adam grinned, taking her hand and began to lead her upstairs.

He pushed opened one of the bedroom doors and stood aside so she could pass by. He closed the door behind him, locking it. “Welcome to my digs,” he said somewhat sarcastically.

Jessica forced a smile to her face as her fingers tapped the cup in her hand. The room was what she pictured a frat boys room to look like. Pizza boxes, soda cans, clothes thrown all over the floor. The bed looked like it hadn't been made this century and there was a strange smell.

Adam placed his arm around her shoulders and took the drink from her hand. “I wouldn't drink that,” he said, placing the cup down on top of the dresser. “You can never trust a frat boy to make a drink.”

“You make me my lattes,” Jessica reminded him.

Adam laughed, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “Yes, but that's different. You're paying me to make you one. Here, anything that is handed to you usually contains 99.9% alcohol.”

Jessica joined in laughing.

Adam moved over to his wardrobe and pulled open the doors. Inside was a mini bar fridge. He got busy making something that wasn't 99.9% alcoholic while Jessica began moving some things from the bed so she had a space to sit down.

“Here we go,” Adam said, handing a plastic beer cup over to her. “Bottoms up.”

Jessica stared at her drink before glancing up at him. Adam was already taking a sip of his, but there was a twinkle in his eye that she didn't fully trust.

“Thanks,” she said, placing the cup to her lips as though she was about to take a drink.

BANG!

Adam spun around as a water balloon filled with shaving cream hit his window. “What the fuck?” he cried, placing his cup down and moving across the room.

He pulled open the window and shouted a few obscenities at the guys standing on the grass below before slamming it shut.

Jessica was still sitting on the bed. “Boys will be boys,” she said, tilting her head back and draining her drink.

Adam nodded and picked up his drink. In one breath he drained the cup. He smiled sweetly at Jessica, watching her closely, almost as though he was expecting something.

She stared back at him, blinking innocently, watching his body begin to sway from side to side.

Adam's vision became blurry and his tongue felt dry. For the briefest of moments he thought he saw Jessica's lip twitch into a smirk. “What the -?” he said, before falling forward on the bed.

* * * * *

“Aghhhhhhhh!”

Adam sat up, ice cubes spilling over the side of the bathtub, onto the bathroom floor. He glanced around wildly as he took a moment to work out where he was. A dozen cans of beer lined the tub near his feet. He was in the upstairs bathroom of the frat house, in a bathtub full of ice.

He pulled himself up, wincing in pain, as he tried to stand. What the hell happened?

“Jessica?”

Adam remembered offering her a drink. Then nothing. Everything after that was a blank. 

Carefully, he climbed out of the bath, being sure not to slip on an ice cube as his feet pressed against the cold tiles.

He made his way back to his room, fumbling with the door handle. What was in his drink? He hadn't added anything to the beer.

He stopped cold. He might not have added anything to it, but he did turn his back to his drink long enough for Jessica too.

Adam broke into a sweat as he entered his room. There was no sign of Jessica. He winced again, grabbing his side as he stepped over some shoes. His side felt wet.

Looking down, Adam let out a bloodcurdling scream. His shirt was soaked in blood.

Frantically pulling away at the material, Adam ripped his shirt off and raced to his mirror. His whole side was covered in blood and there were dark stitches poking out from the skin. He ran his hand over the wound, feeling it, his mind racing, wondering what happened.

He glanced up at the mirror and his blood ran cold.

Taped to the mirror was a note written in lipstick. His lips trembled as he read it.

“For sale. One human kidney. $25,000.”

13 Fun Facts About Rhiannon Irons: Horror Movie Edition

Greetings gentle readers,

You'd think by now I'd be running out of fun facts about our favorite Aussie author, but the truth of the matter is, I've only just unveiled the tip of the iceberg.  And now I return with a special edition on Rhiannon Irons and her love of horror movies.

Some of these facts you may know.  Some you might not.  Either way, it's a fun list.

Enjoy!

Trent

13) When it comes to death scenes, Rhiannon is a firm believer of 'less is more' and that not showing everything on screen can be more terrifying then seeing everything.  Quote, "The human mind can create scarier scenes than Hollywood at times.  But not showing everything on screen it allows our imaginations to get away from us and create some gruesome deaths for the victims."

12) Rhiannon loves her slasher movies.  Her knowledge of slashers is second to none to the point that she often jokes that Ghostface from the Scream series would have to kill her out of sheer boredom.

11) We all know that Rhiannon is not a fan of remakes, but did you know she's also not fan of mass sequels.  Quote, "One or two sequels is fine.  But when it gets to eight, nine, ten, it becomes a bit too much.  It becomes more about money rather than quality and tends to damage the franchise."

10) When asked what horror franchise should have stopped after part two, Rhiannon agrees with her Truly Disturbing family.  Quote, "Saw, Candyman and Hellraiser."

9) We all know that Rhiannon had written, and starred in, her own horror movie when she was 15 entitled Slayed.  She also wrote a sequel in which she was killed.  Quote, "My character was promiscuous, and while she was getting ready to make her own sex tape with a guy she had hooked up with at a party, he was killed.  When she entered the room, she was strangled on film.  That piece of film came in handy in part three as it held a very important clue as to the killer's true identity."

8) For Rhiannon, the scariest thing about a horror villain is when they have no motive.

7) Rhiannon grew up in the 90's.  Her favourite 90's horror movies are Scream, Disturbing Behavior, The Faculty and The Dentist.

6) Rhiannon prides herself on her horror movie collection.  However, she doesn't own any of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies...yet.

5) Rhiannon feels that modern day horror is too focused on how many people they can kill as opposed to building a storyline that generates interest.  She feels that the last character and storyline building film was Scream 4.  Quote, "While I don't particularly like Scream 4, I respect what Wes did with the franchise.  He gave us characters that we loved and hated, gave us something to relate to and above all captured our attention.  No one since then has managed to do that successfully."

4) There is one horror movie that still confuses the hell out of Rhiannon in who the killer really was.  That film is Ripper: A Letter From Hell.

3) We all know that Rhiannon Irons prides herself on her writing, especially what she writes for Truly Disturbing.  We also all know she is in charge of the Horror Icon Of The Month articles that feature online.  Who is her ideal Horror Icon?  Quote, "I can't go past Robert Englund, Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Anthony Perkins and Johnny Depp for the men.  For the ladies, Jamie Lee Curtis, Janet Leigh, Danielle Harris, Dee Wallace and Sarah Michelle Gellar get my vote."  Out of those ten names, Rhiannon has currently written about five of those icons.  (The Anthony Perkins one does not currently feature on Truly Disturbing, but rather is located on this blog)

2) What type of horror movies scare Rhiannon the most?  Quote, "Shark movies give me nightmares, but only if they're done well and don't look too fake.  Otherwise, movies that involve spiders and snakes have me running for the door."

1) Inspired by 2003's Freddy Vs. Jason, Rhiannon recently threw her horror hat into the ring and placed Halloween's Michael Myers up against Friday the 13th's Jason Voorhees in a battle to the death.  Before that she had Jason verse Victor Crowley of Hatchet fame and Leprechaun verses The Djinn from Wishmaster.  So, which two villains are next heading for a Horror Dome showdown? Quote, "I'm lining up the dream demon, himself, Freddy Krueger, against the guardian of Hell, Pinhead.  Place you bets."

Drowning

When you first entered my life

I wasn't sure if this was right

But there's something in your smile

That made me think this was worthwhile

Then when you took my hand

I knew I had found my man

And I never want to let you go

Baby, don't you know

I'm drowning in you

And there's nothing I can do

To keep my head above the waves

To make it through another day

But there's something you can't see

I'm longing to break free

Free from this hand

So I'm not drowning again

Every time I breathe

I feel the need

To hold you in my arms

To keep you safe from harm

As my eyes drink you in

My heart beats again

So baby here I am

Your lost little lamb

I'm drowning in you

And there's nothing I can do

To keep my head above the waves

To make it through another day

But there's something you can't see

I'm longing to break free

Free from this hand

So I'm not drowning again

You know you have a willing slave

Who's dying to misbehave

Who's been trying to break free

Of the swelling sea

As the water begins to rise

I'm met with a great surprise

Your hand in mine

Intertwined

I'm drowning in you

And there's nothing I can do

To keep my head above the waves

To make it through another day

But there's something you can't see

I'm longing to break free

Free from this hand

So I'm not drowning again

I'm drowning in you

And there's nothing I can do

To keep my head above the waves

To make it through another day

Without you my life would done

I didn't just fall for anyone

I found the man who will save me

Save me from the drowning sea

Top 20 Ways To Tell You're Getting Older

20) You think "Libido" is an Italian pasta

19) The Tooth Fairy has more of your teeth than you do

18) You wake up with that awful "Morning After" feeling...and you didn't do anything the night before

17) You drink prune juice...on purpose

16) You start complaining that "They're building car seats too darn low!"

15) You sit down to breakfast and hear "Snap, Crackle and Pop," and you haven't poured milk on your cereal yet!

14) Your pharmacist calls you by your first name

13) Your car battery goes dead because your turn signal was on for two weeks straight

12) Lawn care has become a big part of your life

11) You begin to think of a caravan as "One sweet ride."

10) You're sitting on a park bench, and a scout comes up and helps you cross your legs

9) Conversations with people your age often turn into "Dueling Ailments"

8) Your sex drive suddenly shifts into "Park"

7) You think of a "Quickie" as napping at a traffic light

6) Your back goes out more often than you do

5) You have an uncontrollable urge to feed the pigeons in the park

4) Many of your co-workers were born the year you got your last promotion

3) You play bingo....and you like it

2) You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers show up with a big bag of marshmallows

1) You find this list tasteless and insensitive!

The World Of Ahlephia

With my debut novel, Ahlephia, longing to be released, I thought I would share a simple poem that I wrote for the book.  Enjoy!

Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons

You unlock this door with the key of imagination
Beyond it is another dimension
A dimension of sound
A dimension of sight
A dimension of mind
A dimension of taste
You are moving into the land
Of both shadows and substance
Of things and ideas
You just crossed over into
The world of Ahlephia

Place Your Bets: Michael Myers Vs. Jason Voorhees

Two big names in horror.  Two different franchises.  Two ultimate evils.  Who would win in a showdown?

It's been a while since I've placed two horror icons against each other in a battle to the death where winner kills all.  But today, I return to the horror dome with two big bads that still cause audiences to wet their pants.

In this corner, the Granddaddy of all slashers.  First picking up a butchers knife in Haddonfield, Illinois on October 31, 1963 when he was just six years old (yes, he started young), this villain hasn't looked like slowing down, despite getting on in years.  He's been called everything from The Shape to “Evil on two legs” and has slaughtered dozens of innocent people all over the United States of America.  Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Myers.

And in this corner, the horror icon with the biggest body count to date.  His career has spanned more than 30 years and he doesn't look like slowing down at any moment.  He's a goalie with an axe to grind....and a machete, weed whacker, fence paling....well, whatever he can get his hands on will do.  Just don't call him a Mama's boy.  Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Voorhees.

Let's get ready to rumble...

Michael Myers: A young boy at the tender age of six picks up a knife and stabs his seventeen year old sister to death before being committed to an institution for fifteen years.  At the age of 21 (not 23 as listed in the credits of the original film) Michael Myers, who was affectionately known as The Shape, broke free and began his reign of terror, striking 16 people dead on Halloween night, 1978.  (Four deaths occurred in the first film, while the rest appeared in the second movie which was set during the same night as the first)  His body count ranges from 60 to upwards of 160 depending on who you ask.  Either way, you don't want to mess with this guy.

Jason Voorhees: A deformed young boy drowns at age 11 in 1957 at Camp Crystal Lake. Saw his mother begin the reign of terror one Friday the 13th in 1980 (or 1979 if you look closely at her tombstone in Part 4). He saw her decapitated by a machete, then proceeded to take over the series, returning to the camp to finish what she started. Jason has an impressive ten sequels plus a remake and a body count that’s number jumps from as low as 80 to sometimes over 200 depending on the stats.  Needless to say, you won't be wanting to visit Camp Crystal Lake any time soon.

So why should these two movie madmen go head to head?  And more importantly, who would win?

When it comes to strength, these two are pretty evenly matched.  Don't believe me.  In Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers, Michael dug his fingers into Earl's neck and practically ripped his head off.  Jason in  Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan punched Julius's head clean off on the rooftop after the high school boxer encountered our favourite Mighty Duck reject.  Both killers have been known to return numerous times, although only Jason is confirmed dead.  (I have actually written a thesis on how and why Michael Myers is still alive)  Both have some form of supernatural element about them, but mostly I view them as a crazed madman vs. an uber zombie.

Their weapons of choice are easy.  Michael has a preference for a large kitchen knife that is about 13 inches in length.  Jason, on the other hand, often is spotted with a machete.  However, both killers have been known to stray from their set weapons, often using items that they find lying around.  From scalpels to corkscrews to bottles and bare hands, regardless of what they use, their victims aren’t coming back.

Body counts are debateable when you’re dealing with most horror icons, and Jason and Michael are no exceptions.  Michael has often been credited with having the second highest body count in horror history (although some sources will state that The Tall Man from Phantasm has the silver medal) however finding an accurate account of his kills is almost as impossible as finding meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.  Same applies to Jason.  From reports as low as 80 to accounts over 200, Jason’s body count fluctuates depending on what Friday the 13th fan site you visit.  So, for the purpose of this argument, we’ll say that Jason is reigning in the kills with Michael hot on his heels.

When it comes to height and build, there’s no separating the two.  For their original appearances, Michael Myers (Nick Castle) was 5’10 while Jason Voorhees (Warrington Gillette) was 6’1.  Since that original appearance, they have both grown with Michael’s average height being 6’2-6’3 while Jason’s average is 6’3-6’5.

As for sequels, these two have had their share of movies.  Michael began his reign in 1978 and followed that up with his first sequel in ’81.  Ironic that Jason would start his reign of terror in ’81.  (The original Friday the 13th was made in 1980, but Jason’s killing spree didn’t start until the sequel)  Jason continued his spree year after year, chalking up eight more sequels plus a remake.  After the initial Halloween in 1978, Michael came back six times plus a remake and a sequel to the remake.  In grand total of films: Halloween: 10.  Friday the 13th: 11.  For the purpose of this article, I’m looking at their initial appearance.

So, what can we take from all that?  Both villains are tall men with strength beyond their means.  They fight with whatever they can get their hands on, although they do have a preference when it comes to sharp, pointy objects.  They’ve killed unmercifully for the best part of three decades and chalked up more victims then some of the most well known serial killers in history.

So if these two were to come face to face, who would win?

Matched equally in strength, this battle will come down to a battle of wits.  Out of the three big villains of horror Freddy Krueger is known for being the brain while Jason is the brawn.  As for Michael?  He’s the deadly combination of both.  He has the strength to match Jason, but he also has the brain power to execute a plan to trap Voorhees and therein take control of the fight.  (Think back to Freddy Vs. Jason, for most of the film, Freddy had Jason on the ropes.  It was only after other factors – Lori and Will – that helped Jason in the end)

For this showdown where winner kills all, it’s the boy from Haddonfield, Michael Myers, who stands triumphant.  While he can be physically matched by Jason, when it comes to smarts, Michael is the winner.  His ability to think his way through situations gives him an edge, and let’s face it; he first picked up that knife when he was just six years old.  His bloodlust has even labelled him as pure evil.  He was the first of his kind and he’ll be standing long after his villainous counterparts are buried.

Winner: Michael Myers.

This could be argued for years to come about who would really win in a showdown between these two.  But something that can’t be argued; this will be one hell of a fight.

Vanity by Jason Reynolds

You seem so fixated on looks
Sometimes
All the time
Do you not see
You seem so fixated on looks
I want to scream
It's not everything
I'm not a beautiful person
But my heart sings for you
You seem so fixated on weight
It's sad to see
Your beauty is everything about you
You cannot seem to see
Or even understand
That all I see is you
You seem fixated on stretchmarks
but I can't understand
They're as beautiful as you are
You seem fixated on pain
You're looking everywhere
For some kind of praise
No matter the words I say to you
You look at me as if I'm mad
You seem fixated on things
That may not be
The love I have for you is real
Reflected in my eyes
For everyone to see
You really love her they say
As I try to deny
But my eyes betray me
They tell me it's there
You see everything else
Do you not see me
Sunlight shines and here
The stone lies

Darkness And Love

Ladies and gentlemen,

 

Every now and then I get an e-mail with beautiful works that move me.  The other day, a friend of mine, Jason Reynolds, sent me a couple of beautiful poems that I want to share with you.  They moved me and I hope they do the same for you.  Enjoy.

 

Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons

 

The darkness is all around

Encompassing

Used to embrace it

Now wishing it would go away

The brightest most beautiful light is you

But it's fading

Fighting to stay out of the shadows

Surrounding my heart

Making it dark again

Praying for death is hard when you've something to live for

A lifetime ago

How can it be I was foolish

Thinking of things that mattered not at all

Now it's so clear

I've no imagination

But I see what we could become

See me for who I am

Who I want to be

For you

You're so far away

You can't see

Come closer let your light shine on me

You can't see

I love you