A Real Friendship Poem

Dear Friend,

When you are sad . . .
I'll get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bitch/bastard that made you sad.
When you are blue . . .
I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile . . .
I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared . . .
I'll rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried . . .
I'll tell you horrible stories about how bad your life really is and demand that you quit whinning.
When you are confused . . .
I'll use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick . . .
STAY AWAY FROM ME until you are well again. I don't want what you have.
When you fall . . .
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath . . . I pledge till the end. Why you ask? Because you are my friend.

P.S. A friend will bail you out of jail. A really good friend will be sitting beside you saying "Well, we fucked up but wasn't it fun?"