I have to learn to speak my mind
To say what I really want
Without fear of rejection
Without fear of the unknown
I have to learn to say what I mean
To get my point across
Clear as crystal
So you know what's on my mind
I have to learn to take good with bad
And that some things won't go my way
My mind just has to deal with that
And it will get easier every day
I have to learn to give in a little
That at times we're going to yell
There will be times I cry
And this is just part of life
What's on my mind tonight?
A lot of things
Am I not good enough?
Am I worth the air I breathe?
Am I worthy of being your girl?
Or am I better off alone
Dying slowing as the shadows
Pull me into the unknown
I have to learn to say
What's on my mind
Even if it's not something you want to hear
I just have to say it
I like it when you call me at night
It makes me feel safe
You scare me when you yell
Causing me to cry and shake
I like it when you hold me in your arms
Your hands running through my hair
Your lips on my ear
As you whisper
"What's on your mind?"
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Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Romance Finds A Way
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t ...know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Goals For 2013
Every year I write out a list of goals I hope to accomplish in the coming New Year and each year that list seems to get ignored. So this time around I'm putting it out there for everyone to see in hopes that it will motivate me to actually cross everything off it.
*Please note, these are not in any particular order*
What are you goals for 2013?
1) I want to get my license. As odd as that sounds, I don't actually have my license yet. Come 2013, that will change.
2) I want to get my bellybutton repierced. Back in June my bellyring was ripped out in a freak accident. Come 2013 I want it back!
3) I want to get another tattoo. Trivial, but I do.
4) I want to be the proud parent of a healthy, bouncing Labrador puppy.
5) I want to get my book TALES OF TERROR: URBAN LEGENDS published
6) I want my own website. Yes, you read that right. I wish to close The Final Curtain and open up rhiannonirons.com
7) I want to host two murder mystery nights (preferably where I'm not the killer).
8) I want to finish my novel MAROONED.
9) I want to have a new job. Something fresh and exciting that makes me happy.
10) I want to be living with my partner.
11) I want to lose weight. I want to slim down a little. Not just for my health but also for my confidence, or current lack there of. Despite everything that I write on here, in person I do lack a lot of self-confidence and my self-esteem has been MIA for many years. I would like to regain some of that.
So, that's my list. Feel free to comment and let me know what you want to happen in the New Year.
Stay safe everyone!
Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons
*Please note, these are not in any particular order*
What are you goals for 2013?
1) I want to get my license. As odd as that sounds, I don't actually have my license yet. Come 2013, that will change.
2) I want to get my bellybutton repierced. Back in June my bellyring was ripped out in a freak accident. Come 2013 I want it back!
3) I want to get another tattoo. Trivial, but I do.
4) I want to be the proud parent of a healthy, bouncing Labrador puppy.
5) I want to get my book TALES OF TERROR: URBAN LEGENDS published
6) I want my own website. Yes, you read that right. I wish to close The Final Curtain and open up rhiannonirons.com
7) I want to host two murder mystery nights (preferably where I'm not the killer).
8) I want to finish my novel MAROONED.
9) I want to have a new job. Something fresh and exciting that makes me happy.
10) I want to be living with my partner.
11) I want to lose weight. I want to slim down a little. Not just for my health but also for my confidence, or current lack there of. Despite everything that I write on here, in person I do lack a lot of self-confidence and my self-esteem has been MIA for many years. I would like to regain some of that.
So, that's my list. Feel free to comment and let me know what you want to happen in the New Year.
Stay safe everyone!
Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons
Friday, December 7, 2012
Christmas Joy
Counting down the days
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Hanging stockings by the fire
The star on top of the tree
Leaving cookies out for Santa
But sneaking one for you and me
Shoveling snow
Singing carols door to door
Wrapping gifts that will
Bring Christmas cheer to all
Counting down the days
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Lying in bed
To excited to sleep
Listening for reindeer bells
And the sound of footsteps on the roof
Listening carefully for a
Ho, Ho, Ho
And just knowing that Santa Claus
Is about to show
Counting down the days
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Sneaking down the stairs
Having a peek
While everyone else is asleep
Excitement grows
And we all know
That Santa has finally been
Just look at the presents under the tree
And now it's Christmas Day
Santa has been, leaving on his sleigh
Delivering all his toys
Every good boy and girl
Around the world
Is now celebrating Christmas Joy
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Hanging stockings by the fire
The star on top of the tree
Leaving cookies out for Santa
But sneaking one for you and me
Shoveling snow
Singing carols door to door
Wrapping gifts that will
Bring Christmas cheer to all
Counting down the days
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Lying in bed
To excited to sleep
Listening for reindeer bells
And the sound of footsteps on the roof
Listening carefully for a
Ho, Ho, Ho
And just knowing that Santa Claus
Is about to show
Counting down the days
'Til Santa arrives
Bringing all the children toys
From all around the world
Every good boy and girl
Are celebrating Christmas Joy
Sneaking down the stairs
Having a peek
While everyone else is asleep
Excitement grows
And we all know
That Santa has finally been
Just look at the presents under the tree
And now it's Christmas Day
Santa has been, leaving on his sleigh
Delivering all his toys
Every good boy and girl
Around the world
Is now celebrating Christmas Joy
Walk On By
As you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
You use to stop and talk with me
Telling me about your day
Now we're acting like strangers
Passing by with nothing to say
I can't believe it's come to this
It hurts me more than you know
I never wanted to be like this
How can I ever let you go?
I love you baby
I will until the day I die
And it's killing me now
To watch you walk on by
As you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
Where did we go wrong?
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
What caused you to turn your back?
And as I watch you from afar
That smile that was reserved for me
Is now being shared with another
How I was too blind to see
I love you baby
I will until the day I die
And it's killing me now
To watch you walk on by
As you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
You use to stop and talk with me
Telling me about your day
Now we're acting like strangers
Passing by with nothing to say
I can't believe it's come to this
It hurts me more than you know
I never wanted to be like this
How can I ever let you go?
I love you baby
I will until the day I die
And it's killing me now
To watch you walk on by
As you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
Where did we go wrong?
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
What caused you to turn your back?
And as I watch you from afar
That smile that was reserved for me
Is now being shared with another
How I was too blind to see
I love you baby
I will until the day I die
And it's killing me now
To watch you walk on by
As you walk on by
A small part of me dies
And as I sit wondering why
I can feel tears in my eyes
I slowly begin to cry
Whenever you walk on by
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