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Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day

I always loved going fishing with my dad.  Us, the water, the pine trees on the banks.  Nothing was greater than sitting in our little boat, Dad baiting the hooks and me reeling in the fish. 

Dad and I always go fishing during the summer holidays.  It's a tradition.  He always said it was just a way to relax after a hectic week, but deep down I knew it was an excuse to get away from my nagging mother.

On Father's Day he always took my brother and I to this lake.  The water is always so crystal clear, the wind giving it a gentle spray as it whistled through the pine trees on the banks.  The water would ripple beautifully whenever we'd skip stones across its glass like surface.  It was just us at one with nature.

Dad and I had a falling out after my arrest for the Valentine's Day shootings.  And though he never said anything, he knew I was somehow involved in the St. Patrick's Day massacre as well.  I remember his steely grey eyes watching my face as I declared my innocence.  His face, wrinkled with time, held back his expressions as I spoke.  Despite not being able to read him, I could tell that he didn't believe me.  While my mother hugged me, my father stood up, adjusting his waistcoat, before extending his hand.  "Good to have you home, son," he said gruffly, pumping my hand twice in a forcefully handshake.

After my prank on Jennifer in April, I began to plot my Mother's Day surprise.  I was surprised when my doorbell rang and I found Dad standing on the doorstep.

I let him in and that was my mistake.

After I had made him a cup of coffee, Dad told me that I had to stop what I was doing.  That it wasn't healthy.  "You should be out, working for a living and meeting a nice girl in which you can settle down with," he said, sipping his drink.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dad," I replied, leaning against the kitchen bench.

"Sure you do.  I saw the way you're eyes lit up when you talked about Valentine's Day.  And then when the news bought up the St. Paddy's Day killings, you took extreme interest.  Your mother noticed this too."

I clucked my tongue.  "You're wrong," I said, my fingers lightly dusting over the large kitchen knife.

Dad stood up, straightening himself.  "I better be," he said.

The next time I saw him was after they discovered Mother's body.  Dad was weepy eyed at the funeral, gutted that he had blamed me instead of my brother.

"Can you ever forgive me?" he asked, holding back sobs of misery.  I nodded, pulling him into a hug.  He still smelled the same.  Like wood and pine with just a hint of musk.  A real manly smell.

I invited him to stay with me until it was alright with the police for him to return to his house.

Dad and I got along famously.  We cooked together, repainted the guest room and even renovated the bathroom.  Everything was slowly getting back to normal until I came home from work the day before Father's Day.

Dad was sitting in an oversized armchair, a scrapbook in his hand.  His face was like stone.

He dropped the scrapbook on the table and I felt my heart leap from my chest.  It was the scrapbook of all my plots and schemes.  It contained everything from newspaper clippings of my crimes to scribbles and doodles on napkins.

"I knew it," Dad muttered, his head in his hands.  "I just knew it."


"Don't.  Just don't."

I watched as he got up from the chair and made his way down the hall towards his bedroom.

I laid awake all night, wondering how I could make it up to him.  Then an idea crossed my mind.  I'd take him on our traditional fishing trip.  That should cheer him up.

In the early hours of the morning, I got up and began to prepare breakfast.  Sausage, egg, bacon, toast, and of course, Dad's morning coffee.  He always had to have a coffee first thing in the morning or else he was a grumpy asshole for the entire day.

I knocked on his door.

"What?" he shouted.

I opened the door, balancing the tray on my knee.  Waving a white napkin as a sign of peace, I placed the tray down on his bedside table.

Dad's eyes misted over and his lip quivered.  He was moved by what he saw.

"Happy Father's Day," I told him, patting his shoulder with my hand.

"Oh son," he said.  "I'm sorry I doubted you.  You know that I'll stand by you regardless of what you do.  You're my flesh and blood."

I watched as he took a sip of his coffee, watching the steam rise from the mug.  He grabbed a piece of bacon between his chubby fingers and shoved it into his mouth.  I licked my lips and took a seat in the chair at the end of the bed and watched my father devour his breakfast.

A smile etched on my face as Dad popped the last bit of toast into his mouth.

"Hurry up and get dressed, Dad," I said, standing and picking up the tray.  "We're going on our annual fishing trip."

As I closed the door to the bedroom, I saw his eyes light up and I knew all was forgiven.

We drove the winding roads to the lake.  The smell of freshly cut grass assaulted our nostrils as we pulled into the parking lot.  I was surprised to see we were the only ones at this serene location.  It was perfect.

Dad climbed out of the truck, adjusting his jeans and his fisherman's hat.  "What a perfect day," he exclaimed, taking in a big breath of fresh air.  "It's good to be outdoors."

That was the last thing I heard him say.

My reel began to spin.

Grabbing hold of the rod, I began to pull backwards, excitedly telling Dad what I had caught.  He didn't say anything.

A large bass landed on the floor, flopping around, gasping for air.

As I watched the fight go out of it, I began baiting the hook.  Well actually Dad was the one baiting the hook.  You know, with a finger, a toe, an eye...whatever I had left of him.

As I threw the line back in the water, the bass stopped breathing.  I began to gut it and I smiled.

It certainly reminded me of the last activity I ever did with Dad.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Horror Icon: Tyler Mane

I’ve written about some big men when it comes to the horror genre.  But they are all dwarfed by this man.  Standing at a whooping 6’9 (that’s 206cm for anyone on the metric system) comes a new addition to my Horror Icon collection.  (I’m only 5’6 myself and would need to stand on at least two large boxes to be able to look him in the eye)  Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Tyler Mane.

Tyler was actually born under the name of Daryl Karolat on December 8, 1966 in Saskatchewan, Canada.

Twenty years later he began a career in wrestling.  Trained by Red Bastien, Tyler used the name Skywalker Nitron in his native Canada.  In 1987 Tyler went to the United Kingdom where he wrestled for Joint Promotions.  In 1988 he toured New Japan Wrestling as Gully Gasper.

In 1989 Tyler joined World Championship Wrestling (WCW) as Nitron or Nitro.  He left in early 1990.

His wrestling career continued for another six years before he eventually retired in 1996 after the death of Herb Abrams and eventual dissolving of the UWF (Universal Wrestling Federation).

In 2000 the acting skies opened and Tyler was offered the role of Sabretooth in X-Men.  Working alongside Australia’s Mr. Nice Guy, Hugh Jackman, Tyler’s performance was outstanding.  The storyline for X-Men is this: In a world where both Mutants and Humans fear each other, Marie, better known as Rogue, runs away from home and hitches a ride with another mutant, known as Logan, a.k.a. Wolverine.  Charles Xavier, who owns a school for young mutants, sends Storm and Cyclops to bring them back before it is too late.  Magneto, who believes a war is approaching, has an evil plan in mind, and needs young Rogue to help him.

One thing I really loved about the film was Tyler’s commitment to the role of Sabertooth.  (Fun Fact: It’s been reported that Tyler watched the 1990’s X-Men cartoon as well as purchased dozens of Sabertooth Comics to prepare for the role)  His showdown with Hugh Jackman was a highlight of the film for me.  Not being a fan of X-Men myself, I was surprised at how drawn into the movie I became.

Tyler’s next movie role came a year later with an appearance in Joe Dirt along with the TV movie How To Make A Monster.  I will admit, for a cheesy TV horror movie, How To Make A Monster wasn’t bad.  It had an interesting concept, fun characters, a clever script and the effects were pretty intriguing.  If you’re able to find a copy of this film, I highly recommend watching it.

From there Tyler had small roles in The Scorpion King (uncreditted) as well as appearing in the Brad Pitt blockbuster Troy. 

Horror knocked on Tyler’s door with an uncreditted appearance as Rufus in Rob Zombie’s creation The Devil’s Rejects in 2005.  Working alongside horror favourites like Bill Moseley, Sid Haig and William Forsythe, Tyler was in good company.  The Devil’s Reject has been labeled a genre masterpiece, crediting Rob Zombie alongside classic horror directors like John Carpenter, Wes Craven and Sean S. Cunningham.

In 2007 Rob Zombie teamed up again with Tyler for the remake of the classic Halloween.  By this point in time everyone knows what I thought of the film.  Being an avert lover of the original, I found the remake to be lacking in everything from the characters right through to the script.  However, in saying that, there are some highlights.  For starters having Danielle Harris return to Haddonfield was a big plus.  Little Jamie Lloyd from Halloween 4 and 5 is all grown up and now playing Annie Brackett.  Brad Dourif (Chucky from Child’s Play) played her father and did a fantastic job as the Sheriff.  Tyler Mane took on the title role of Michael Myers, the movie’s antagonist.  He was far more brutal in this film then Michael Myers had ever been, but I chalk that up to Rob Zombie’s bloodlust.  Tyler’s stature aided to the brutality but also provided a large contrast between Michael and every other character, literally.  The scene where Michael confronts Annie and her boyfriend has stuck in my mind as did the scene earlier in the movie where Michael brutally slays Laurie’s parents.

Gory, gruesome, terrifying and brutal is the only way I can describe Halloween 2007.  Tyler was outstanding as Michael and though I’m not a fan of the film, I wouldn’t mind seeing him pick up the kitchen knife and donning the mask again.

In 2009 a sequel to Halloween came out aptly named Halloween II.  I’ll be honest when I say I have no bloody idea what this film is about.  It’s terrible.  There’s no genuine scares or suspense that we’ve come to know and love within the Halloween franchise.  It was just brutal killings with a goal of how much blood and body parts could fly at the screen in the space of two hours.  No real story, and the characters were beyond terrible.  As a member of the audience, I had no connection to Laurie this time around and quite frankly she should have been the first one to die.  Malcolm McDowell’s role was beneath him and the role designed for Brad Dourif was also beneath his talent.  Danielle Harris was the only bright spark and they killed her in a fashion that was so brutal I actually found myself screaming at the screen “Take me instead!”

Tyler returned as Michael.  He was good, living up to the terrifying nature that he helped create in the first film, but pushed the boundaries of the brutality to the point that I couldn’t watch the screen anymore.

I will give Tyler credit as for the first time in a long time, Michael Myers was once again gut-wrenchingly terrifying, however between him, Danielle and Brad, this film couldn’t be saved.  Halloween II is just terrible.  If you want to watch the decent sequel, go back to the 1981 version and avoid the 2009 disaster.

The 2011 film
247°F saw Tyler team up with his Halloween and Halloween II co-star Scout Taylor-Compton as well as Friday The 13th alumni Travis Van Winkle.  While I enjoyed the concept of three friends trapped in a sauna fighting for their life in 247°F heat, the film itself was tedious.  Tyler was great in his limited role, but it just didn’t work.  It certainly is hard to warm to 247°F (get it?).

Also in 2011 through to 2012, Tyler had a short run horror TV series entitled Chopper.  But all that would give way to the 2013 film that saw him team up with fellow Horror Icons Derek Mears and Muse Watson.  The film is Compound Fracture.

Compound Fracture has an outstanding cast that contains three iconic killers, Tyler Mane (Michael Myers), Derek Mears (Jason Vorhees in Friday the 13th (2009)) and Muse Watson (Ben Willis in I Know What You Did Last Summer).  And while Compound Fracture reaches more into the thriller range than horror, it still manages to create a creepy, isolated environment with a few good scares while weaving a twisted tale around the Wolffsen family.  The story was interesting and not the typical rehash of stories already told one thousand times.  It does well to not lead you directly to the ending and keeps you guessing.  Most of the characters have depth and their personal struggles are shown juxtapose to the real threat lurking around them.

It’s a fantastic film that is currently getting rave reviews from all over the world.  The best part is not only did Tyler star in it, but he wrote it along with his wife, Renae Geerlings, who also stars in it.  When you get a chance, go and see Compound Fracture.  It truly is a remarkable film that is even better the second time you view it.

As we’re currently in the year of 2013, Tyler has a few films in the works.  When The Storm God Rides is a western film and looks to be set for release in 2014 while Devil May Call is set for release sometime soon.  Also in the works is Casket County Massacre, and while there’s not much information available on that, it certainly screams horror to me.

Tyler Mane.  Tall, talented and the ideal horror icon.  He isn’t afraid to tackle some of the biggest horror roles and make them his own.  His fans will follow him to the ends of Earth and the horror genre will salute him for many more years to come.  He can play my leading man any time.

Rhiannon’s Top 5 Tyler Mane Movies

1) Compound Fracture (2013) – Tyler, Derek, Muse. Need I say more?

2) X-Men (2000) – Tyler’s battle with Hugh Jackman has got me coming back for more.

3) How To Make A Monster (2001) – Not a bad TV movie at all.  Highly recommended.

4) The Devil’s Rejects (2005) – It’s a great film even if Tyler’s role was minimal.

5) Halloween (2007) – He is the new Michael Myers.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Happy Birthday Robert Englund

On June 6, 1947, Robert Barton Englund made his first appearance in the world.  And despite his acting career taking hold in 1974, it wasn’t until 1983’s V that Robert became a house hold name.  One year later, he cemented himself as a horror star in A Nightmare On Elm Street and has never looked back.

Playing the role of Freddy Krueger eight times since 1984, Robert has become one of the Fantastic Four villains of horror. (Leatherface, Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees being the other villains)  He’s a well known pop culture icon and even has a whole section of his official website dedicated to fans that sport Freddy Krueger tattoos.  (It’s actually dedicated to anyone who has a tattoo that’s got something to do with Robert himself, but it’s mostly filled with Freddy)

Aside from Krueger, Robert has played The Phantom Of The Opera, a veteran of the civil war, a shade art lover, a character inspired by Donald Pleasence in Halloween and a university professor with an obsession for folk tales to name a few. 

His range is remarkable, his talent is undeniable, his work is immortal, and his presence on screen is second to none.  When it comes to horror icons, Robert Englund is in a league of his own. 

Now, at the age of 66, Robert isn’t slowing down.  He’s still working within the horror genre, with new horrors set to be released soon, including a sequel to Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon and the new horror film Kantemir which is currently in post-production so we expect it to be released soon.

Robert Englund isn’t just an icon of the genre we call horror.  He is a legend.  I want to wish Mr. Robert Barton Englund a very happy 66th Birthday.  6/6 and turns 66.  No wonder he’s one of horrors greatest stars.  It was written by the fates.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Show Pony

After the adventure of being turned into John’s little pony in the barn, Erica had fantasized about it happening again.  She loved the idea of being paraded around, whipped and ridden hard by her man.  She loved the feel of the riding crop as it lashed across her firm ass as John pounded into her moist heat.

She had told him she wanted a repeat of that day and while John had seemed interested nothing had come of it.

One morning, as the sun shone brightly through the lace curtains, Erica yawned, stretching her arms above her head, eyes still closed.  Something was thrust into her mouth with such force that her eyes snapped open.  John was kneeling above her, his hands pushing a bit gag into her mouth.

Erica moaned, trashing her arms at him, but he pinned her before easily flipping her onto her stomach.  He fastened the gag behind her head and let her hair fall back into place before holding her wrists tightly behind her back. 

Wiggling in the most uncoordinated manner, Erica got to her knees, her nightgown falling back into place to cover her bare bottom.

John’s hand gripped her tightly, pulling her back against him.  With his free hand, he cupped her breast, feeling her nipple harden beneath the scrap of material that she called a nightgown.

“Who’s my little show pony?” he whispered, dipping his tongue into her ear, feeling her chest heave beneath his hand.  Erica whimpered, her excitement growing.

John nipped her ear, his teeth grazing it, smiling to himself when a shudder ripped through her.  He removed his hand from her breast and ripped her nightgown to shreds, watching with delight and satisfaction as it crumpled in a torn mess on the floor near the bed.  He would replace it later.  Right now he had more pressing matters to attend to.

He held her hands behind her back as he marched her downstairs and out to the barn.  Erica’s excitement turned to nerves when she saw his car had been hooked up to a horse float.

Holding her wrists behind her with one hand, John reached for the reigns that were proudly hanging inside the float.  He quickly attached them to the bit gag before fiercely telling her not to try anything.  To make sure she’d be good he tied the end of the reigns to a hook inside the float.

Erica stood there, rubbing her wrists, a string of drool dripping from her lips.  What was John planning?  She turned so she could watch him enter the barn. 

The air was crisp, despite the early morning sun.  She thought about reaching up and undoing the gag and running back inside to get dressed, or to have a warm shower, but thought better of it.  After all, it was her that had nagged John to do this.  She wanted to be his little pony again.  She just wished he hadn’t decided to do it during winter.

John returned, tying Erica’s hands behind her back as well as her elbows.  This way her breasts were pushed out further, inviting anyone to have a quick squeeze.  He then lifted one of her long, lean legs, placing her foot inside a specially made boot that looked like a horse hoof.  He zipped it up and placed the matching boot on the other foot.  The furry boots came to her knee but added to the fact that she was his little pony.

He held her hands to the side as he lined up the blonde horse tail.  Pressing the bulbous head of the tail into her rectum Erica clenched her teeth and bared down, refusing to relax.  She cried out as John pinched one of her nipples before forcing the anal plug deep inside her.

“Naughty pony,” he said, nipping her ear with his teeth.  He swatted her across the backside with his open palm.  Erica cried out, turning her head so she could see him.

He removed the reigns from the hook inside the float and pulled down the gangway that allows an actual horse to enter the float.  Inside, strapped to the floor was a large rubber dildo.  To the sides of it were eyelets poking up off the floor. 

“Kneel,” he instructed, holding the reigns in one hand while placing the other on her shoulder, forcing Erica to the trailer floor.  The tip of the dildo pressed against her pussy, teasing her lips, her legs sliding further apart.  She was soaking wet, her juices of excitement were seeping down her inner thighs.

He pressed down on her until the dildo slid half way inside her.  Erica groaned, eyes closing, a string of drool hanging from the gag.

John’s hand left her shoulder as he quickly began binding his little pony to the floor, looping rope around her thighs, tickling the insides of them, enjoying the wetness that seeped from her moist heat.

He secured the reigns and made sure that she couldn’t move in any direction aside from up and down slightly.  Once he was satisfied that she was completely secure, he left the float, closing the door behind him.

Erica shifted slightly.  She was very uncomfortable.  What the hell was he doing?

She didn’t have to wait long.  She tilted her head as the car’s engine roared to life.  The float lurched forward and Erica cried out.  She felt the dildo slide upwards as John purposefully drove down a ditch.

He’s mad, Erica thought, struggling to free her bound arms.  He’s actually taking me for a drive.

While she struggled, groaning every time the dildo slid in a little deeper, John was grinning to himself as he turned down the dirt highway.

He had a special surprise in store for his little pony and she would not be disappointed.

It only took him thirty-five minutes to locate the other farm, but for Erica it felt like hours.  Her knees were sore from kneeling on the cold floor.  Her pussy was wet with desire and she was on the verge of an orgasm from John hitting all the bumps along the dusty road.  Her hair kept falling in front of her face which was annoying her and her ass hurt from clenching at the tail.

The car stopped.

Erica held her breath as she listened.  She had half expected to see her own barn when John let down the gate.  Instead she saw wide open spaces.  John entered the float and untied her.  He helped her stand and allowed her to shake out her legs, letting the blood return to them.

“You’re going to love this,” he whispered in her ear.  “I’ve found just the place for a pretty little show pony like you.”

Grabbing hold of the reigns, John led Erica down the gate.  Erica’s eyes widened as she looked around at all the other women dressed up like ponies.  One woman was running around a paddock while her master whipped at her glorious breasts with a large bull whip.  A couple of girls were walking around on all fours while their male partners rode on their backs.  A young woman was tied to a fence while an equally young man whipped her perfectly rounded ass with a riding crop.

John pulled on the reigns, but Erica didn’t move.  She was completely in shock at what she was seeing.  “Oh don’t be stubborn,” John hissed, his eyes darkening.  “I’ve already told everyone how well trained you are.  Perhaps you would prefer to be like that pony over there?” he said pointing to the girl tied to the fence.  “Oh would you prefer the bull whip?”

Erica shook her head vigorously.  She didn’t want to do anything that involved a bull whip.  Just the cracking sound the ripped from it was enough to send a chill down her spine and goosebumps up her arms.

“John, welcome.”

Erica turned to see an elderly man approach John and shook his hand.  He then turned his attention to Erica, feeling the curve of her hip and the swell of her breast.  “My, my,” he said, tweaking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.  “What a fine filly this is.  I bet she’s a prance.”

“Oh yes, that she is,” John said, nodding and smiling at the old man.  “Come on, Erica.  Show the man how you prancer.” 

When Erica didn’t move, John produced the riding crop from the back pocket of his jeans and swatted her ass with such force that Erica jumped, yelping at the impact and her now stinging flesh.  She began prancing, lifting her legs high so the elderly man could see her muscles of her inner thighs and her gleaming wet pussy. 

The old man gave a hearty chuckle and patted her behind, running his hand over the red welt that had been produced by the crop.  “What a fine prancer she is,” he said with a wink.  “Feel free to put her with the others, or else take her into the paddock and give her a work out before retiring to the barn for a wash down.”

John nodded and pulled Erica in the direction of the large paddock where the man with the bull whip was. 

“Higher!” he shouted, cracking the whip above his head.  “Lift those legs higher!”

Erica shrank back, pulling slightly on her reigns, hoping that John would get the hint.  John stopped and turned back to her.  He walked over.  “You’re scared, aren’t you?” he asked, his voice soft, caring.  Erica nodded.  John slid a hand between her thighs.  “What a liar you are,” he sneered, sliding his fingers into her with such ease.  “You’re excited.”  He pulled his fingers away, holding them up for her to see her juices glisten and gleam in the sunlight.

He pulled her towards the paddock, hooking the reigns over the fence post.  He pulled on her hips so that her back was straight, her breasts dangling beneath her, her legs straight. 

John ran his hand over her body, cupping her breasts, feeling their weight.  He tweaked her nipples hard, pulling on them, feeling her body buck beneath him.  Laughing, he slapped his hand across her backside before unzipping his fly and releasing himself. 

He was hard.  The thought of getting Erica to this farm conjured up some amazing images in his mind that he was terrified of blowing his load too early. 

Carefully, he eased himself into her, feeling her body accept his quivering manhood.  John sighed, feeling her muscles clench at him, trapping him deep inside her.

Slowly he slid all the way out before slamming back into her, causing her to buck back against him.  His hips slammed against her as John grinded himself into her.  Erica’s moans got louder as her orgasm approached hard and fast. 

When John slammed back into her she came hard, quivering and with a cry that could be heard for miles.

As Erica was basking in the glow of her orgasm, John eased the tail out of her ass and replaced it with his cock.  He was surprised at how easily he slid in, but he grasped her hips, digging his nails into her sweaty flesh.

Erica pressed back against him, begging him to fuck her hard.  He started working himself in and out of her tight ass, reaching up and grabbing a fist full of her hair.  Erica’s back arched, her arms beginning to ache, as her body bucked back against John’s.

A large orgasm was building deep within her.  Sweat trickled down her nose, dripping into the dirt and grass beneath her.  The way he controlled her was enough for her to squeeze her eyes shut as her whole body shuddered as she came again, squeezing down on John’s rock hard cock, causing him to groan as his own climax took release.  He shot his entire load up her tight ass, his hand releasing her hair as they basked in the afterglow.

Pulling out of her, John replaced the tail, zipped himself back up and lead her back to the float. 

“John?  You’re not leaving already?” called the old man.  John waved him off and loaded Erica in, securing her the same way he had before.

As the car jumped down the dirt track, Erica felt every bump, grinding herself against the large dildo.  It felt good to be full again.  She enjoyed having something buried deep inside her pussy and ass at the same time.  Made her feel complete in a way.

The car came to a stop at their farm.  John opened the door, untied her and led her down the gate.  He removed the bit gag before undressing her.  He removed the tail last of all and stopped to watch his cum trickled down her flushed backside.

He lent down, his eyes no longer threatening. 


Groaning, Erica rolled over and slammed her hand down on top of her alarm clock.  Why did that thing always have to go off whenever she was having a great dream?

Grumbling about being woken, she headed downstairs to see John sitting at the breakfast bar, coffee in hand.

“Morning lazybones,” he said, jumping up and giving her a kiss.  “Why the long face?”

“I was having a great dream,” Erica replied, sitting down on the stool and running her hand through her hair.

“What kind of dream?”

Erica pursed her lips and stared at him as he handed her a mug of coffee. 

“One where I was your pretty little show pony,” she replied with a wink.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


I'm surrounded by the spotlight
And nothing is going right
You're just loving it
Watching me lose control
The world has taken its toll
That much I'll admit

I need some time away
Give me space for a day
And I'll be okay

I've asked you respectfully
Please take the cameras off of me
You're affecting my vibrancy
Let me keep my privacy
Why won't you let me be?
I know you're going to write what you didn't see
I'm allowed in society
Please respect my privacy

I can't say what's on my mind
I find myself in a bind
I need some space to breathe
I'm trapped in an iron cage
Filling up on bleeding rage
I know what I need

I need some time alone
So I don't feel like I'm in a cyclone
Fighting in a combat zone

I've asked you respectfully
Please take the cameras off of me

You're affecting my vibrancy
Let me keep my privacy
Why won't you let me be?
I know you're going to write what you didn't see

I'm allowed in society
Please respect my privacy
I can't sit by silently
When the lack of respect is killing me
I can see that you get it finally
Give me back my privacy

Do you have any idea of what it's like
To live a fish bowl kind of life
No I didn't think you did
Just once I wish
I wasn't the fish
So I could drop off the grid

I need some time alone
So I don't feel like I'm in a cyclone
Fighting in a combat zone

I've asked you respectfully
Please take the cameras off of me

You're affecting my vibrancy
Let me keep my privacy
Why won't you let me be?
I know you're going to write what you didn't see

I'm allowed in society
Please respect my privacy
I can't sit by silently
When the lack of respect is killing me
I can see that you get it finally
Give me back my privacy

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Horror Icon: Derek Mears

He's big.  He's bad.  He is the latest Horror Icon to enter my books.  He is the legendary Derek Mears.

Derek Mears was born on April 29, 1972 in Bakersfield, California.  He attended Highland High School in Bakersfield, graduating in 1990.  During this time Derek would perform improv comedy at ComedySportz.

His acting career began in 1995 with the action/sci-fi/thriller The Demolitionist in which Derek would work with horror alumni Heather Langenkamp and Tom Savini.  I’ll be brutally honest when I say this film just reminds me of Robocop but there were some interesting moments.  The storyline for the film is in the not-too-distant future, the mayor of Metro City introduces a law banning all guns in the city.  Her mortal enemy, Mad Dog Burns, escapes from Death Row and stages an unsuccessful attempt to kill her.  He then exposes an undercover police officer, Alyssa Lloyd, and kills her.  A police scientist resurrects her as an invincible zombie warrior, gives her weapons, a motorcycle and sets her loose on Mad Dog and his gang.

It would be three years before Derek graced the screens again.  This time it was in Hurricane Festival.  Also that year, Derek turned to stunts, performing them on Charmed.  (Fun Fact: A lot of Horror Icon alumni’s have appeared on Charmed)

The following year Derek continued his work with stunts with an appearance on Angel as well the Will Smith film Wild Wild West.  As for the acting side, Derek made a TV movie entitled The Wonder Cabinet in which he played The Creature as well as having a brief appearance in an episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class and V.I.P. 

In 2001 Derek found himself making more cameos on television.  He appeared in Nash Bridges, The Tick and Alias.  His stunt work also took off on Star Trek: Enterprise and Firetrap.

In 2002, Derek found himself back on the big screen in the sci-fi/action/comedy Men In Black II.  That same year he appeared in Love And A Bullet.

Now you’re probably wondering how this man qualifies for a Horror Icon status.  It all began in 2005.  The horror genre came knocking on Derek’s door with a little film called Cursed.  I’ll be honest, I loved Cursed.  Directed by Wes Craven and written by Kevin Williamson it was a tongue-in-cheek werewolf movie that starred Christina Ricci, Joshua Jackson, Jesse Eisenberg and Australia’s own Portia de Rossi.  The storyline is as follows Ellie (Ricci) has been taking care of her younger brother Jimmy (Eisenberg) since their parent’s death.  One night after picking him up from a party they are involved in a car accident on Mulholland Drive. While trying to rescue a woman from the other car a creature attacks and kills her, also injuring both Ellie and Jimmy. After some research Jimmy realizes the creature could only have been a werewolf.  Now Derek has a nice role in this.  He’s the werewolf.  And with his height, he played a frightfully delightful werewolf.  Now, some people call the werewolf in this film a minor role.  But personally, I have to say, minor or not, any werewolf that flips the bird at the main character certain qualifies in the top ten coolest werewolves.

If you haven’t seen Cursed, I do highly recommend it for clich├ęd fun.  (Fun Fact: Plagued by production problems and script issues, this film's release was delayed for over a year.  Over half of the movie had to be re-shot with many cast members being replaced due to scheduling conflicts)

In 2006, Derek worked with my favourite horror director, John Carpenter, in Masters Of Horror.  The episode labeled Pro-Life tells the story of a young girl trapped inside a clinic, who discovers the only thing more dangerous than her pursuers is the demonic secret that she carries within her.  A creepy episode from a must watch TV series.

The following year Derek landed a role in The Hills Have Eyes 2, the sequel to the 2006 remake.  Not as strong as the predecessor, The Hills Have Eyes 2 did have its moments of glory.  The storyline is about a team of trainees of the National Guard brings supply to the New Mexico Desert for a group of soldiers and scientists that are installing a monitoring system in Sector 16.  They do not find anybody in the camp, and they receive a blurred distress signal from the hills.  Their sergeant gathers a rescue team, and they are attacked and trapped by deformed cannibals, having to fight to survive.

I’ll be honest when I say that Derek’s role as Chameleon is creepy, but I did feel sorry for him when he was brutally killed with a large rock.  It may have only been a minor role, but it was enough to leave a lasting impact on the audience.

Now we’re getting to the good stuff.  In 2009 a remake of Friday The 13th hit cinemas.  That’s right, Jason Voorhees was back and this time the man behind the hockey mask was none other than Derek Mears.

As a fan of slasher movies, I must say I did enjoy it.  However there were some major inconsistencies between this reboot of the franchise verses everything that came before it starting with when in the hell did Jason start taking prisoners?!  But putting all that aside, the film was actually decent for a remake.  There was humor, the typical good girl, the royal pain in the butt, and of course the large body count that we’ve come to expect from Jason.  (Fun Fact:  There are 13 deaths that Jason is responsible for.  All up there are 14 deaths including that of Mrs. Voorhees)

What it did do was deliver on all the things we’ve come to expect from slasher movies.  Derek’s portrayal of Jason was flawless.  Channeling the Jason of Friday The 13 Part 2 and 3, Derek ran, stalked his victims and played to Jason’s brute strength while giving him expect hunting skills and vulnerability.  Flawless performance and I would love to see him return to the role sometime in the future.

That same year horror threw Derek another curve ball in that of Hellbinders.  Not the greatest of films, but for a low budget movie it’s certainly worth watching especially if you’re into low budget horror movies. 

As 2010 rolled around so did Predators.  Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Laurence Fishburne and Danny Trejo all starred in the film that saw Derek play Classic Predator.  The plot sees eight former members of Earth-mercenaries, soldiers, criminals and a doctor-literally dropped into a jungle on an alien planet.  Why or how they got there is not known, but pretty soon it is apparent they must work together for they are being hunted by an unseen enemy.  Hunted, it seems, for sport. 

The set up is a little different but the formula is exactly the same as the original movie.  In short that means macho guys and a girl in the jungle are being hunted by something very bad.  Here in lies the main problem with Antal' s movie. While it's ticking the same boxes and homaging for all it's worth, there's little to no braveness in the writing.  Sure there are some bonuses in the form of alien pets, a predator feud arc and a bonkers midsection with the introduction of another character.  But as the carnage unfolds, the plot doesn't go anywhere other than where we expect it to go.  While there's a huge character misstep in the final third that is more laughable than being the twister it's meant to be. 

However, if taken purely as a popcorn movie, the film delivers enough thrills and excitement to warrant the viewing.  The action comes thick and fast. From the breathtaking opening as we are literally dropped into the jungle with Adrien Brody, to the inevitable face off for the finale, we have been treated to stabs, chops, thrusts, dismemberment's, beheadings and spine ripping.  All this and there's barely any blood spilt; lest the green kind counts of course.  While the new look predators are awesome, meaner in tone, with new armor and devoid of the pointless characterization that others in the franchise have tried to give them.  It’s just one of those movies that you can watch repeatedly from the comfort of your own home.

In 2011, Derek found himself working alongside another Horror Icon honoree, Johnny Depp, in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

As 2013 continues to make its mark, Derek has starred in some outstanding works starting with Gangster Squad and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.  That latter title involves the siblings Hansel and Gretel who are left alone in the woods by their father and captured by a dark witch in a candy house.  However they kill the witch and escape from the spot.  Years later, the orphans have become famous witch hunters.  When eleven children go missing in a small village, the Major summons Hansel and Gretel to rescue them, and they save the red haired Mina from the local sheriff that wants to burn her accusing Mina of witchcraft.  Soon they discover that the Blood Moon will approach in three days and the powerful dark witch Muriel is the responsible for the abduction of children.  She intends to use the children together with a secret ingredient in a Sabbath to make the coven of witches protected against the fire.  Meanwhile Hansel and Gretel disclose secrets about their parents.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters came with mixed reviews but I rather enjoyed it.  A dark fairytale with an abundance of horror was a perfect escape one wet and dreary day.  I thought it was a wonderful mix of genres, and while it didn’t always gel, but with some graphic gore that comes out of nowhere, it was almost forgivable.

2013 also saw Derek team up with two other Horror Icons; Tyler Mane and, my personal favourite, Muse Watson, for Compound Fracture.  Compound Fracture is a thrilling ride from the moment the film begins to right when the credits begin to roll.  It’s not a typical horror film, however parts of it does have an old horror feel to it.  Props to Renae Geerlings on a well written screenplay.  As for the acting, it was outstanding.  Tyler and Muse went above and beyond for their roles while Derek was intimidating and terrifying. 

If you haven’t seen Compound Fracture yet, hop to it.  It is rare, in my opinion, to find a film of this caliber out today.  The originality of the story teamed with the remarkable cast and the history of the supernatural makes Compound Fracture a must see film.

As we stand now, horror has beckoned Derek once more.  This time Mr. Mears will find himself up against the unstoppable force in Victor Crowley in Hatchet III.  We are all waiting with baited breath to see what this film produces.  The storyline is as follows:  A search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.

Derek Mears.  His name alone causes chills down the spines of all horror fans.  He’s ability to be a chameleon has aided him in creating some lasting characters.  Derek Mears can play my leading man any day of the week.

Rhiannon’s Top 5 Derek Mears Movies

1) Compound Fracture (2013) – Three horror icons; one movie. Derek Mears, Tyler Mane and Muse Watson. Need I say more.

2) Cursed (2005) – Campy, yes, but a fun werewolf movie to be sure.

3) Predators (2010) – They can see you.  They can hear you. They can smell your fear.

4) Friday The 13th (2009) – Derek is the new Jason and he swings that machete with pride.

5) Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) – Underrated, but lovers of spooky fairytales will get a kick out of this.