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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Never Again

Never again will I look at you in that way
Never again will I call your name
Never again will I wish you well
Never again will I believe you

Never again will I want you
Never again will I sit up waiting for your call
Never again will I stare at your pictures
No longer hanging on my wall

Never again will I act like I care
Never again will I bother to share
All the thoughts of you I'm having
As I give into my body's temptation

Never again will I shed a tear
Over your obnoxious ways
Never again will I cry
Instead, giving you a fierce gaze

Never again will I confess to loving you
Never again will I dress to impress
Never again will I laugh at your jokes
Now I merely hope you choke

Your words not mine are the reason for my hate
Never again will I call you mate
Your actions are the reason for the rhyme
Actually it's more like the two parts vodka, one part lime

Can't Hold Me Down

You'll never be able to keep me down
I'm not your girlfriend anymore
And now I know that I am needed
I can say for sure
That no matter what was said
There's only one thing about our relationship 
That I regret
And that is staying as long as I did

You think I'm going to give up
You think I've finally had enough
You think you have complete control
Guess what baby not anymore
You think you've got what it takes
You think I'll be silent about my heartache
Boy you've never been more wrong
You can't hold me down now that I'm a strong
You can't hold me down anymore

I must push on
Got a lot of living to do
Now that I'm free from you
It's my time to have some fun
You think that I'll come crawling back
That wouldn't happen even if
You were the last person left in this world
I'm no longer your girl

You think I'm going to give up
You think I've finally had enough
You think you have complete control
Guess what baby not anymore
You think you've got what it takes
You think I'll be silent about my heartache
Boy you've never been more wrong
You can't hold me down now that I am strong
You can't hold me down anymore

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My Way

Oh my God
I never said that I'd be good
Why should I care what you say to me
When you're busy hanging out with her
I was in total shock
When I saw you holding her hand
And I know it's time
That you finally understand

And now that we're through
I won't waste anymore tears on you

There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can say
I'm telling you I've had enough
And starting from today
I'm doing things my way

I've been down this road
I know exactly where it leads
It's never anything good
And things are not as they seem
I really did love you
I had fallen fast
And now as I look at you
I'm glad things didn't last

And now that we're through
I won't waste anymore tears on you

There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can say
I'm telling you I've had enough
And starting from today
I'm doing things my way

So here I go
Living on my own

Don't worry, baby
I'm stronger than I seem
So here I go
Better off alone
Don't worry, baby
I'm stronger than I seem

And now that we're through
I won't waste anymore time on you

There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can say
I'm telling you I've had enough
And starting from today
I'm doing things my way

Break Up

When our eyes locked from across the room
I felt a chemical spark take control and consume
I lost myself in your eyes
Smiling shyly as you walked on by
And I knew it was love at first sight

I was under your spell
You had control of my will
But now I'm longing to break free
Please, don't hate me

I wanna break up
You're not the man you use to be
I wanna break up
This isn't easy
To say I don't love you
Would be a lie
But I need to get on with living my life
I wanna break up

I know this isn't what you want to hear
But I just want to make things clear
You're not the man you were before
Don't stop me from walking out that door
And leaving it all behind

I was under your spell
You had control of my will
But now I'm longing to break free
No longer a victim of your sexuality

I wanna break up
You're not the man you use to be
I wanna break up
This isn't easy
To say I don't love you
Would be a lie

But I need to get on with living my life
I wanna break up

Sorry that you don't feel the same way
I have to go, there's nothing left for us to say
I can't have you pulling me down
Calling me names when no one is around
I have to go now

I was under your spell
You had control of my will
But now I'm longing to break free
No longer a victim of your sexuality

I wanna break up
You're not the man you use to be
I wanna break up
This isn't easy
To say I don't love you
Would be a lie

But I need to get on with living my life
I wanna break up

Saturday, February 25, 2012

I Owe You

Looking up at the sky
Watching the world just pass me by
And I smile
It's been a while
Closing my eyes
I try to visualise
What my life is about

I never thought I'd be the one
To say this kind of thing
But I want to thank you
For walking out on me
I guess it's safe to say
After everything we've been through
That I owe you
I owe you

Walking down the busy street
Wanting to dance instead
I can't help but grin
My new life is about to begin
I tip my hat
Imagining that
I'm ready to face the world again

I never thought I'd be the one
To say this kind of thing
But I want to thank you
For walking out on me
I guess it's safe to say
After everything we've been through
That I owe you
I owe you

You made me stronger
And for that I thank you
You made me stand on my two feet
My confidence is high
And now I won't let life just pass me by
Not anymore

I never thought I'd be the one
To say this kind of thing
But I want to thank you
For walking out on me
I guess it's safe to say
After everything we've been through
That I owe you
I owe you

Don't You Lie To Me

When you said we'd stay together
I believed it to be true
And when you asked who I loved
I always answered "you"
And now you've left me
All alone
Forced to pick up
The shattered pieces of my life
On my own

Don't stand there and tell me
Everything will work out
That's not what this is about

Don't say you love me
Don't say you need me
Don't say anything that you don't mean
Like forever
It doesn't exist
It's only a matter of time before you
Wake up and see
Only a matter of time before I say
Don't you lie to me

Hanging out with my girls
They're keeping you from my mind
Making me feel better
Giving me a reason to go on
After you had gone
It's because of them that I am strong
They're the reason why
I feel like I belong
In this life

Don't stand there and tell me
Everything will work out
That's not what this is about

Don't say you love me
Don't say you need me
Don't say anything that you don't mean
Like forever
It doesn't exist
It's only a matter of time before you
Wake up and see
Only a matter of time before I say
Don't you lie to me

I'll Never Fall In Love Again

My friends are the ones
To get me through the pain
The wound you caused heals
But the scar still remains
And I know I have some trust issues
Steaming from a broken heart
All the hurt you've caused me
Is slowly tearing me apart

I meant it when I said I love you
But it's sad to see
That you didn't mean it
When you said it to me

Where did we go wrong?
Wasn't I good enough for you?
Did you mean it when you said you wanted me
Or was that just a lie I didn't see through?
How can this be right
When all I feel is pain?
All I know is thanks to you
I'll never fall in love again

Sitting by the window
My eyes filling with tears
As I think about the time I wasted
All the days, months and years
And I know I won't be able to forgive
And I know I can't forget
Everything you meant to me
None of it I regret

I meant it when I said I love you
But it's sad to see
That you didn't mean it
When you said it to me

Where did we go wrong?
Wasn't I good enough for you?
Did you mean it when you said you wanted me
Or was that just a lie I didn't see through?
How can this be right
When all I feel is pain?
All I know is thanks to you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

You were everything
To me
You were my hopes, my dreams
You were my fantasy
You were the reason why I smiled
And now you're the reason why I cry
But no matter how hard I try
I can't wipe you from my life

Where did we go wrong?
Wasn't I good enough for you?
Did you mean it when you said you wanted me
Or was that just a lie I didn't see through?
How can this be right
When all I feel is pain?
All I know is thanks to you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again


Her eyes were devilish. Her body curvaceous and dangerous. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth, sensually wetting her lips, a faint smirk playing on her features as her green eyes looked him up and down.

Adam gulped, feeling his erection strain against his pants. How did this woman have so much power of him? He had never met anyone like her before.

Natalie smiled sweetly, the scent of her perfume lingering between them. It was intoxicating.

Adam felt his mouth become as dry as the Sahara desert as he watched her open the sliding door and step out onto his apartment balcony, her tight jeans leaving nothing to the imagination. They hugged the curve of her hip and ass perfectly as her Cowboys T-shirt tightly caressed her ample breasts.

He continued to pour himself a glass of wine, as thoughts of her body intertwined with his, naked and sweaty ran through his mind. He lifted the bottle to his lips, letting the liquid slide into his mouth. It felt cool against his dry tongue, giving it much needed refreshment. He turned back to look at her, resting against the balcony, taking in the view of down town Los Angeles. His groin tightened painfully.

As if knowing he was staring at her, Natalie stood up, her head turning. Even from a distance, Adam could see her eyes dance with delight and interest. He grabbed the glass and head outside to join her.

“You're home is so beautiful,” she said, her rich Australian accent flooding his ears. He smiled, his mouth suddenly dry again. He took a sip of his wine, offering the glass to her. She held up her hand and shook her head. “No thank you,” she said. A mischievous look crossed her face as she pressed her body against his, her soft lips touching his with such force, Adam felt himself stumble backwards.

His hand rested lightly on her hip as her tongue tangoed with his, her breasts crushed against his chest. She gave a lingering sigh as she stepped away from him. He watched, his cock twitching in his pants as she licked her lips. “Tasty,” she said, her voice coming out husky and seductive. 

Adam drained the rest of his glass, not caring that he didn't savour the taste of the wine. He grabbed her, pulling her into him and kissed her passionately, his hand grabbing at her ass, squeezing it, feeling her hips grind against his.

She shot him her most seductive look before turning on her heel and walking off inside, a little wiggle in her walk. 

Adam followed, retuning his wine glass to the kitchen. He glanced up to see her standing in the door way to his bedroom, T-shirt in hand. He swallowed hard. Her black lacy bra was on display and it barely covered her ample cleavage.

Natalie bit her lower lip as Adam advanced on her. She tossed him her shirt before backing up into the bedroom, her thumbs looped in the waist band of her jeans. 

Adam kicked the door closed, grabbing her, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her neck, sucking at her tender skin, his hands fumbling with the button of her jeans. He kissed down her chest, nipping at her nipples through the scrap of fabric she called lingerie. He could feel them harden at his slightest touch. He smiled wickedly, dropping to his knees, kissing her belly, his tongue circling her bellyring. 

Unzipping her jeans, Adam pulled them down, sliding them off her legs with ease. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw how beautiful she was. Her panties matched her bra. Soft, black lace. His erection strained against his pants, begging for release. 

He took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his lap. Her perfectly rounded butt bumped his hard cock which caused him to groan. She squirmed slightly as he laid her over his knee. His hands roamed over her body, feeling her curves, the softness of her skin, the silkiness of her hair. He gave her playful tap on the backside, causing her to crane her neck to see what was happening. His hand rubbed her ass before smacking it. Natalie's eyes grew wide as Adam repeated the action. She squirmed, attempting to move away from him, but he held her firm, his hand coming down harder than before on her ass. She cried out, a stinging sensation sweeping over her.

Adam hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties, pulling them down, revealing the smooth, creamy, pale flesh of her ass. He smack her again, her pale skin turning pink with each open hand spanking that he delivered. With each slap on her behind, Natalie cried out, chewing on her lip, eyes closed tightly.

Eventually, Adam grew tired of spanking her and unclasped her bra, tossing it aside. He laid her on the bed, watching her chest rise and fall, her breath quickening, as she watched him unbutton his shirt, revealing his chiselled chest.

Adam licked his lips, his eyes roaming over the beautiful naked woman lying on his bed. Her green eyes stared up at him, enchanting him as her pink tongue parted out the corner of her mouth, wetting her lips. He unzipped his pants, revealing the bulge in his briefs to her. Her eyes flickered with interest as she propped herself up on her elbows.

Natalie extended her leg, her toes gripping Adam's groin, a teasing smile on her face. Adam groaned, his hand holding her foot. She tried to pull her leg away, but he held her firmly, kneeling on the bed and planting a lingering kiss on the very tip of her big toe. 

Her eyes closed as his tongue darted in between each toe, licking them before sucking them into his warm mouth. It tickled. Her hands gripped his bed sheets, fighting all urges to kick him. Adam looked up at her, his smile widening. He got off the bed, fumbled around inside his closet before returning with a bag. 

Curiosity got the better of Natalie, who sat up, her blonde hair hanging down over her shoulders, caressing her nipples causing them to harden like diamonds.

Reaching into the bag, Adam produced a pair of leather cuffs. He watched as her eyes widened as he laid them out on the bed. A small chain linked them. Natalie swallowed hard, a lump suddenly appearing in her throat, her palms beginning to sweat. Adam pulled out a larger pair of cuffs and held them out so she could see them. Once again, a small chain linked them. “If you're good, I won't have to use them,” he teased, winking at her, knowing full well that was an impossible task.

Her eyes darkened as he pulled her legs apart. He could see that she was aroused, her pussy moist, dripping with anticipation. The scent of arousal was intoxicating. It flooded his nostrils as his tongue flicked across her clitoris. Natalie gasped, drawing her legs closer together. Adam held them apart, as his tongue began exploring her sex, tracing her lips, plunging inside her, feeling the warmth of her body while she squirmed on the bed, wiggling her hips, attempting to close her legs.

Adam released one of her legs, reaching over to grab at the ankle cuffs. He sat up, watching as she closed her legs, her eyes closed, her chest rising with each breath she took. He took the chain off before reaching into the bag and pulling out two longer chains. He attached them to the bed posts before taking one of her ankles in his hand. He kissed it, trailing his tongue over it before attaching the leather cuff. Securing it to the bed post, Adam repeated the procedure to the other ankle until she was tied down, her legs spread.

Natalie whimpered as he kissed along her inner thigh, licking and nipping at the skin, the tip of his tongue tracing circles along her hot, tantalising flesh. He licked either slide of her clitoris as he slid two fingers into her aching flesh.


Her eyes closed, her hands gripping his hair, wiggling her hips as his fingers probed deeper inside her. Adam pulled away, his fingers, slick with her juices, sliding out of her. Natalie groaned in frustration, pouting at him, begging him with her eyes to continue. He smiled at her, holding up the wrist cuffs. “Sit up,” he commanded, his voice deep and low. She obeyed. If it meant he was going to continue licking her pussy and bring her to an Earth-shattering orgasm, she'd walk across hot coals. 

He moved so he was sitting behind her. He dusted playful kisses across her shoulders before pulling her wrists behind her back, fastening the cuffs to them. She struggled a little, glancing over her shoulder at him. His lips had a sheen to them and she couldn't help but lean in for a kiss, tasting herself on his lips.

Adam broke their kiss, pushing her back down on the bed, her hands pulled tightly behind her back. He kissed the curve of her jaw, her neck, her collarbone before sucking her nipple into his mouth, his tongue rolling over it, flicking at it as though it were a light switch. Natalie moaned in response. Her audible sounds caused his cock to twitch. 

Adam moved from one nipple to the other while his hand wandered back down to her aching sex. Teasing her clit with his finger, Adam smiled as she wiggled her hips in an attempt to get him to penetrate her. He gave in, his index finger sliding into her dripping wet pussy. 

With his free hand, Adam kneaded her breast, his hands tugging at her nipple, causing her to cry out. How he loved hearing those sounds. From her whimpers to her loud audible cries of pleasure, each little sound was music to his ears.

He sat up, his finger slipping from her moist flesh again. Natalie pouted, her eyes locking onto his. Adam released the chains that held her legs open but left the leather cuffs wrapped around her ankles. He discarded his briefs, his cock standing to full attention as he carefully lifted her into his arms, impaling her on his throbbing appendage. 

Natalie sighed in contentment as his rock hard cock filled her. With her hands secured behind her back she was at his mercy. He grasped her firmly by the hips and began moving her, slowly at first, up and down, building a steady rhythm. 

Their gasps and moans of pleasure became synchronised as he pulled her body down, filling her completely. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he laid her on the bed, his cock still buried firmly inside her. Holding onto her knees, Adam began pounding into her with masterful power and force.

Her hips met his, thrust for thrust as she tried to coax out the orgasm that was stirring within her belly. Her muscles clenched at his quivering member, gripping and releasing him, as his thumb found her clitoris and began rubbing it slowly in a circular pattern.

Natalie couldn't take it any more and, as her eyes rolled back, she let out a throaty cry as she came, her body shaking uncontrollably. It was the sexiest damn thing Adam had ever seen. Her cheeks were flushed, her head turned, eyes closed and lips parted. Adam reached down, slipping two of his fingers into her mouth. She automatically began sucking them, tasting herself on his hand, her eyes changing from blue to green in a matter of seconds. Adam groaned and with one final thrust came deep inside her, filling her with his hot, creamy load.

For a few moments, he stayed buried inside, collapsing on top of her. Sweat dripped from his brow onto her breasts, her body covered in a sheen of perspiration, her hair matted to her skin. 

He slid out of her, freeing her hands. She sat up, rubbing her wrists, a combination of his and her love juices trickled out of her, running down her thigh. He scooped it up on two fingers before offering it to her. Natalie opened her mouth, her tongue ticking as he slid his fingers in. She willing sucked them clean, making mewing sounds, her eyes locked onto his. 

The combination of her intense stare, the scent of sexual arousal and tantalising tongue working its magic on his fingers caused Adam's blood to run hot and directly to his cock.

She smiled wickedly, pulling away from his fingers. She rolled over, wiggling her ass at him, tossing him a sultry look over her shoulder. Adam didn't have to be asked twice. He grabbed her hips and, with one quick thrust, buried his cock deep inside her. Natalie sighed, lowering her upper torso down on the bed so her ass was up in the air was Adam pounded in and out of her. He slapped her ass causing her to cry out in surprise.

Grabbing hold of her hair, feeling the matted silky locks fall through his fingers, Adam gave a gentle tug, bringing her head up, her back arching, her hips rocking back against his, allowing him to go deeper inside her. 

Together they panted, their sexual appetite increasing, yearning for release. Adam reached down with his left hand, rubbing her clit, determined to get her to come again. Natalie squeezed her inner muscles, gripping his rock hard cock, trapping him inside her. He smacked her ass until she released him. 

Bodies synchronised, humping against each other, matching the intensity of each thrust. Their bodies glistened, their breath ragged, uneven. Their cries and moans of pleasure got progressively louder as their joint climax came to ahead. 

His nails digging into her hips, pulling her back against him, making sure that his entire cock was sunk into her warm, inviting flesh as it spewed forth its creamy, white load. Her body twitched, convulsing, her arms shaking, giving way as she fell forward, his weight on top of her.

Slowly, Adam stirred back to life, rolling off her. Natalie rolled over, her eyes glassy and flashed him a smile of satisfaction as she snuggled up against his chest, tracing a line caused by a single bead of sweat. He kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes. 

“I love you,” he said, before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Late Night Escapades

It's late. 

You walk in the front door, dropping your keys on the entrance way table. You close the door and as you remove your tie, you begin to walk towards the bedroom.

The door is shut. Thinking that I am asleep, you push it open quietly. 

The door creaks, but that's not the sound that floods your ears. Panting, groaning, light moans are all you can hear, your eyes adjusting to the darkness. 

I'm lying on the bed, a simple white satin chemise on, straining against my ample breasts, my nipples pushing out against the soft fabric. 

Your cock springs to life as you see what I'm doing. My left hand is tweaking my nipple while my right is exploring my body, slipping down my belly, sliding across my creamy white thighs, exploring my body. My finger teases my clitoris which causes a low moan to escape from my lips.

You watch with interest as I arch my back, my toes gripping the bed covers, my eyes closed as I bring myself closer to an orgasm.

You move from the doorway. The floorboards creak as you scamper to the left. I hear them, stopping myself mid-pleasure, eyes snapping open. I sit up, smoothing down my chemise as you move over to the bed. I see you as you kneel beside me, moving my hair that's damp from perspiration. You kiss my neck, gliding your tongue over my salty skin. Your arms wraps around my body, feeling my breasts, squeezing them, pulling on my nipples until they stand out hard like diamonds.

Kissing down my neck, my collar bone, you slip the straps down over my shoulders, freeing my breasts. The cool air teases my nipples further to the point that I need you to tend to them. You chuckle softly as I whimper. 

Telling me to lie down, I do, as you lean over my body, taking one nipple in my mouth. Your tongue swirls around it, nipping at it gently before sucking on with such force that I cry out, my hands gripping your hair, tugging on it as your finger traces over my thigh. 

I rock my hips a little as your finger plunges inside me. You trace your tongue down over my stomach, around my belly ring, before tracing a line down my thighs, refusing to place your head between my legs. I groan in frustration, pulling on your hair, my nails digging into your scalp.

You glance up at me, smiling, your eyes dancing with delight. The next thing I know your tongue is expertly lashing my clitoris, probing inside me, lapping at my juices while your finger continues to explore the depths of my being. 

My toes grip the sheets. I release your hair, grabbing at the pillow, my knuckles turning white from the forcible grip I have on it. 

My moans get louder until that moment when, from the depth of my core, my body begins to shake. My eyes close, my lips part in a silent cry of pure pleasure.

Before I have recovered, you have removed your clothes and have entered my swollen flesh, thrusting gently, knowing that every single nerve in my body is alive and tingling, as though on fire. I wrap my legs around your waist, pulling you closer, allowing you deeper access. 

Our bodies writhe and grind against each other. Sweat on your chest glistens in the moonlight which is creeping through the curtains. My fingers are intertwined with the sheet, my blood red nails lost in a sea of crisp white cotton.

That familiar feeling begins to stir in the pit of my belly as I stare up at you, lovingly. Our bodies grind against each other in perfect synchronisation, our moans of ecstasy in perfect harmony. 

You lay down on me, holding my hands above my head, letting our fingers join. Your eyes stare deeply into mine and despite the darkness, I can see the fire in them.

Closing my eyes, I toss my head back and let out a throaty cry as I come. My nails dig into your hands, my body quivers as I feel your orgasm explode inside me. I can feel the force, the power, of your orgasm, as it rushes deep inside me, filling me.

My legs are still wrapped around you, trapping you inside me. You reach around, unhooking them, slowly sliding out of me. I whimper at the sudden feel of loss. 

A mixture of your juices and mine seep out and trickle down my thigh.

You lie next to me, panting. My eyes close briefly as your hand caresses my breasts. Your touch is light as a feather and it sends chills down my spine. I fix my chemise, pulling it back up, covering my exposed breasts. You groan in disappointment. I look over at you, throwing you my most seductive glance.

You sit up. Both you and your cock are alert and that familiar gleam of wickedness is back in your eyes.

It looks like it's going to be a long night...

Through Heartache

Greetings gentle readers,

I'm breaking the mold and posting something other than a story by someone else or an interview with our wonderful writers.  This little poem is for Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons.  For those that don't know, her heart was broken today by her boyfriend.  So while I work on my anger issues towards him, here's a little something I whipped up in hopes of making her smile.


Through heartache comes words of support.
Through heartache comes the realization that
All you need is you.
Through heartache comes the friends
Brandishing the ice cream and chocolates.
Through heartache comes the realization
That you can do better.
Through heartache comes a chance
That you must take.
Through heartache comes a choice
That you alone have to make.
Through heartache only do we see
You being true to yourself
And being stronger than before.
Through heartache comes tears
Which are to be expected
And help to restore
You to your beautiful self
Which we've dearly missed.
Through heartache comes forward
A new and improved you.

You Were Suppose To

You were suppose to be the one
Who saved me.
You were suppose to be the one
Who watched over me.

Instead you are the one
Who has killed me.
Made me feel like I'm not worthy.
Made me feel like I should be alone.

You were the one who I was to be with
The one whom I could be myself around.
You were suppose to be the one for me
The one that made me smile
When I was down.

You were suppose to love me
For everything that I am.
You were suppose to understand
Everything I was about.

You were suppose to hold me
And tell me everything is fine.
To let me rest my head against you chest
As your hands hold mine.

I never knew something could hurt so much
My heart feels like it's breaking in two.
But the worst part is
Knowing that I still love you.

The Tale Of Three Virgins

 A Mother had three virgin daughters.  They were all getting married within a short time period.  Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.  The card said nothing but: 'Nescafe'  Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.  It said: 'Good till the last drop'.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Rothmans.'  Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack:  'Extra Long. King Size'

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Jaffna , Sri Lanka.  Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing.  Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.  Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Srilankan Airlines'

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Srilankan Airlines.

The ad said 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

Mum fainted.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks..... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said.. "Oh, that's so lovely.. What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Jellyfish Day

Bob Peterson is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister who had been having a rather stressful time at work and was comtemplating throwing in her job.

She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Here is his letter...

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.

I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.

I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.

It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.

This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift they say. May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day !!!!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

This will be my last entry. You were a record of all my hopes and dreams for the future. I don't have a future, nor will I see my dreams come true.

I clearly don't have what it takes to make it. So many people are agreeing with that statement, calling me a hack and worse. Of course, my friends are there telling me otherwise, words I want to hear which is just what friends do. But it's hard not to listen to what the naysayers have to say.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve such hatred especially from people I don't know. How can someone, who is not a part of my life, make such cruel and inhuman taunts at my expense? I know not everyone is going to like me, but if they don't I ask that they tell me nicely rather than using profanity that features around a four-letter 'c' word.

Why are so many people so mean? Why must they destroy what little self-esteem I have left? I was just starting to feel good about myself.

My friends have told me to ignore it. That they're jealous. Maybe they're right. Maybe my haters are just jealous. But I would like to know what's finally set them off. Why now? Why am I now the sudden target for online abuse? Why, if people have nothing nice to say, don't they just not say anything at all?

I want to die. I can't handle another day where my account is filled with hatred. Filled with people telling me I'm better off dead or that my dream is so far out of reach that I'd have a better chance of flying to the moon and back before dinner.

As I write this, Diary, the blood seeps from my open wound on my wrist. It's staining the paper. The words I have written are getting fuzzy. I'm feeling faint. Please tell my family and friends that I love them and pass onto the haters that they've won. I'm sorry...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

13 More Fun Facts About Rhiannon Irons

Greetings gentle readers,

You asked and I delivered.  Here is more information on the tantalizing temptress of the written word.


13) Didn't have any female role models growing up until she saw the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Rhiannon was hooked and even began martial arts training to be like her idol, Sarah Michelle Gellar.

12) Attended a two high school dances as Buffy.  The first dance saw her boyfriend at the time go as Angel.  The second dance, her boyfriend at the time (which was me) went as Spike.  Both times, Rhiannon had her wooden stake confiscated by the teachers.

11) Want to know what perfume Rhiannon likes?  She is partial to feminine scents and often wears Fantasy by Britney Spears or Glow by J.Lo.  She also likes Code for Women by Armani and Euphoria by Calvin Klein.

10) Fell in love with Jeremy Irons when she was 8 years old after her first viewing of The Lion King.  Her love of him as an actor prompted her to pay homage to him with a tattoo of Scar.

9) Often responds to the question "Guess what?" with the line "I despise guessing games."

8) Loves video games.  Yes, you read that right.  Rhiannon Irons is a gaming nut.  She can spend up to 16 hours in a row playing everything from Resident Evil to Mario to Bloody Roar and Pac Man.  Her favorite games are Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds, Street Fighter, Tomb Raider and The Sims 2.

7) Out of the Batman series, Rhiannon loves Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992) because she feels like Gotham City lives up to its name under Tim Burton's direction and that Michael Keaton was destined to be Bruce Wayne. 

6) Sees fear as a sign of weakness.  What scares Rhiannon?  Spiders, heights, snakes, needles and clowns.

5) Uses humour as a defence.  She says, quote, "If I can make people laugh, then maybe what's happening at that particular moment won't seem so bad."

4) Her nickname is Rei (pronounced Ray) which she got in high school because of her love of Sailor Moon.  Rhiannon says, quote, "There was a group of girls, and we were all Sailor Moon fans.  Each of our personalities matched that of a Sailor Scout.  My personality matched Mars who's actual name was Rei Hino.  Every since then, Rei has just stuck."  It is pure coincidence that Rei also happens to be her initials - Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons.

3) Her favorite color is purple but she also loves green, blue, black, yellow and pink.

2) Rhiannon can mask every emotion except anger.  When she angry, you will know.

1) When she's having a nightmare, Rhiannon will reach for a teddy bear known as Bear.  She says, quote, "Bear is a protector.  I've had him since I was a baby and whenever something bad happens in my dreams, I hold Bear and he enters my dreams, becoming this huge, towering white bear that scares away the bad things chasing me."  To this day, she still uses him to combat evil nightmares or when she's feeling scared of something.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Game – Part Six: The Finale

Rhiannon rolled over. She was sore, her body aching all over from her hair follicles down to the tips of her toes. Sore but very satisfied. Her eyes fluttered open.

She stared at the ceiling. This was her last day with him. Their time was up. She would be on a plane tomorrow, heading back home. Her heart felt heavy as she turned her head.

Phil was lying next to her fast asleep, his mouth slightly parted, his chest rising and falling with his deep breaths. She stared at him, tempted to run her fingers through his dark hair. Instead, she snuggled in closer, feeling his arm wrapping around her protectively.

Her hand rested against his chest as her eyes closed briefly. Her breasts were pressed against his side and as her hand explored the plains of his belly. She watched with glee as the sheet that sat upon his waist began to rise. Her eyes began dancing with delight at the sight of his risen package. Yes, the sex had been amazing, something that she had needed, but she loved him. She didn't want to return to her life back in Australia.

Phil's eyes opened, slowly blinking. He watched her golden blonde hair drape across his chest as her hand rubbed his stomach in a circular manner. Her strokes were smoothing and loving. His hand reached up, massaging her shoulder.

She turned to see him staring at her, his brown eyes shining with lust. She bit her lip before leaning in for a tender kiss. “Good morning,” she greeted as they parted.

Phil returned the greeting, propping himself up on his elbows. He was tired. For almost two weeks they had been going at it like rabbits, their bodies interlocking, grinding against each other for the ultimate satisfaction. And while Phil had been back at work this week, his mind hadn't been on the job at all. It had been in bed, with her, doing all kinds of naughty things.

Rhiannon stretched, her black tipped fingers flexing. “Oww,” she said as she settled back down against him. “That hurt.”

“You OK, baby?” Phil asked, running his hand through her hair. She nodded and just explained that she was a little sore. She wasn't use to a two week straight sex session, no matter how much she wanted one. He kissed her forehead. 

Rhiannon sat up, the sheet falling from her body. Phil cringed as he saw the red marks on her back from where he had used a riding crop on her when she 'disobeyed' him. They looked like angry wounds. He ran his hand over one of them. Rhiannon flinched, pulling away from him. She glanced over her shoulder, her normally blue-green eyes were grey.

“I'm going in the shower,” she announced, standing and walking swiftly to the bathroom, stopping only to grab some clothing. 

For a moment Phil thought about joining her. He threw the sheet off, his erection released to the cool air. He walked over to the door in time just to hear her lock it. Phil placed his hand on the door, knowing that she wanted some alone time. He threw on a pair of shorts and ripped the sheets off the bed. Might as well put on fresh ones while no one was using them.

He was still making the bed when Rhiannon emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her freshly washed hair. She had put on a short skirt and a simple white T-shirt. He could see the outline of her bra under the T-shirt. It had been a while since she wore one. 

“Can I help?” she asked, standing by the far corner, awaiting his command.


It didn't take them long to finish making the bed. Phil watched as Rhiannon fluffed his pillows and waved her hand over the bottom sheet to remove any creases. She stood up. “Done,” she said, flashing him a warm smile.

Phil smiled and picked up his sheets before moving out of his room and down the stairs to his laundry. Rhiannon followed, holding a pillow case that he had dropped. Phil had dropped the sheets on the floor. Rhiannon walked past him, her body brushing against his. His erection was still there and it painfully reminded him so.

She glanced around the small room before taking a seat on top of the washing machine. “Nice size,” she commented. Phil's head snapped up as he looked at her. She gave him a perplexed look before waving her hand around. “The laundry,” she said. “It's a nice size.”

Phil shook his head. He had sex on the brain. He picked up the sheets before realising that she was sitting on the machine. “Sweetie, you might want to move,” he said.

Rhiannon stared at him. “Why? It's a front loader. You can access it with me sitting here.” She folded her arms across her ample chest in defiance and Phil couldn't help but laugh. He may have been her master a week ago, but now it was a different story.

She parted her legs as he opened the machine. He glanced up as he loaded the sheets. His cock pulsed and throbbed when he saw she wasn’t wearing any panties under that skirt. 

Her pussy glistened, the scent of her arousal flooded his nose. 

“See something you like?”

Her voice broke his train of thought. Phil glanced up at her. Her eyes had turned jade green as she licked her lips. Phil stood up, closing the washing machine before turning it on.

It vibrated and shook causing a moan of surprise and pleasure to escape from Rhiannon's throat. Phil placed a firm hand on each of her thighs, holding her down, letting the vibrations of the washing machine pulse against her clitoris.

Rhiannon threw her head back, her hair falling free of the towel, tumbling down in soft, wet waves over her shoulders. Her eyes were closed and her hips rocked against the machine. Phil watched with interest as her tongue slipped out of her mouth and wetted her body lip.

Phil leaned in, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. Her arms wrapped around his neck as they passionately kissed. Removing one hand from her thigh, Phil awkwardly removed his shorts, dropping them to the ground.

“Are you OK to do this?” he asked, dusting light kisses on her jaw line. “Not too sore?” Rhiannon shook her head and to prove she was more than ready, she pulled off her T-shirt discarding it to the side. Phil smiled and kissed her deeply as he entered her aching and willing flesh.

Rhiannon whimpered. She was wet, willing but very sore. The old saying of “there's a fine line between pleasure and pain” came to her mind. She had found that line. Phil's rock hard cock stroking in and out of her was setting her on fire. Every nerve in her body was alive and the friction of their bodies grinding against each other hurt. But it was a good hurt. Her state of arousal grew, her moan of pleasure were music to his ears.

She clawed his back, her nails leaving slick marks on his sweat-soaked skin as the washing machine went into its second cycle. The vibrations of the machine against her clitoris intensified. She gripped Phil's shoulders, biting the flesh as an orgasm rushed over her.

Phil could feel her body convulse, her muscles tensing, gripping him as she came. He could feel the vibrations of the washing machine as he penetrated her deeper with each thrust. The combination of her tight, wet, warm body and the machines vibrations was enough to send Phil over the edge. He called out her name as he came deep inside her.

Exhausted, they lent on each other for support, the washing machine still moving. Phil pulled out of her, and Rhiannon released him from her grip.

“That was....intense,” she said, gasping for air, sliding off the washer. Phil smiled, grabbing his shorts, pulling them on. He wrapped her up in his arms, holding her still shaking body, running his hands through her damp hair. “It sure was,” he said, kissing her forehead.

She stared up at him with big blue eyes. “I love you,” she said, her eyes blinking back tears. “I don't want to leave.”

Phil felt his heart ache inside his chest. He closed his eyes. “I love you too, sweetie,” he told her, pulling her in close.

He didn't want her to leave. Their two weeks together had been the most intense yet satisfying experience of his life. He had never met someone who he connected with so well. Yes, their sex life had been nothing but fireworks, but also their love of interests outside the bedroom had given their relationship a new level of foundation.

“Marry me,” he said.

Rhiannon pulled back from him, her eyes wide. “What?” she asked, not sure if she heard him correctly. Maybe he had actually said “Mary Lee.”

“Marry me.”

To prove he was serious, Phil got down on one knee in the middle of his laundry room. “Rhiannon, will you marry me?” he asked.

For the first time since he met her, he wasn't able to read her expression. Her eyes were wide, their colour flicking from blue to green and back again. Her hand covered her mouth and for the faintest of moments, Phil felt like his heart had stopped.


Now it was his turn to presume he was dreaming. “Say again, love?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.

Rhiannon nodded her head. “Yes, of course I will,” she said again, blinking back tears.

Phil stood up, wrapped her up in his arms, lifting her off the ground. He kissed her passionately, his tongue massaging hers, his moans of delight and pleasure mixing with hers. She pulled back. “You do know that I want a proposal that's a little different?” she teased.

Phil laughed. “I know, darling. Tell you what, how about we go upstairs, make love one more time, get dressed then we'll go out, buy you a ring and tonight, while we're at dinner, I'll make a scene and propose in the restaurant? Is that OK with you?”

Rhiannon flashed him a sly grin, her eyes turning deep emerald green. “You had me at make love,” she teased.

Phil grabbed her pulling her into him, his cock straining against his shorts. He unzipped his fly, releasing himself. He guided himself into her waiting body, pushing her against the wall. Her gasps and moans got louder as the washing machine shook violently.

Rhiannon wrapped her legs around Phil's body, allowing him deeper access to her body as she writhed in pleasure against the wall. She licked her finger before snaking it down her belly towards her clitoris. A loud, groan escaped from her as she began to rub the delicate little bud. That familiar fuzzy, tingling feeling was building up in her lower abdomen.

Phil shifted his weight. With Rhiannon's back firmly pressed against the wall, she couldn't escape. He pushed her hand away and began taking over rubbing her clit. First he started with smooth, slow circles before upping the pressure and intensifying his rhythm. Rhiannon's gasps were music to his ears. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted and her hips were grinding against his. Her body was glistening with sweat, their combined love juices seeping down her thigh from their first coupling. Her cheeks were flushed, her nostrils flaring.

Her eyes shot open as her body began to shake, that familiar tingling feeling washing over her. Her eyes rolled back as she came hard, clenching her inner muscles, trapping Phil deep inside her. Phil stayed still, his thumb still pressed against her clit as he watched her orgasm take control. 

He pulled out of her, his cock brushing against her clit causing her to jump. Her legs were like jelly so she collapsed in a satisfied heap on the floor. Her mind was fuzzy as he helped her to her knees, his cock pressing against her lips.

Obediently, she opened her mouth, sucking the head of his cock deep into the back of her throat. Her tongue swirled over his length, her hand stroking the base of his shaft, her eyes glazed. She wanted to taste him, to feel his pulsing member erupt in her mouth.

Rhiannon's tongue massaged his swollen head, tasting every inch of his cock as it slid in and out of her mouth. She tickled the underside with just the tip of her tongue before taking his full length into her warm and inviting mouth.

Phil's fingers ran through her hair, gripping the blonde tresses. He could feel his orgasm building. She could too as his cock pulsed and throbbed inside her mouth. 

She increased her grip on the base of his shaft, her other hand cupping his balls, squeezing them gently as his thick, creamy load exploded into her mouth. If she hadn't have taken that last breath, she would have choked on it.

She squeezed his cock harder, making sure she got every last drop from him. She licked her lips as he pulled his cock away from her. 

The washing machine stopped humming. Phil craned his neck, his eyes uncrossing. “Wash is done,” Rhiannon announced getting to her feet. Phil turned back, his eyes softening as he stared at her. “I think it could use another cycle,” he said, as he looked her up and down, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Don't you?”