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Monday, July 13, 2009

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping trips boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse.

Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

"Dear Mrs. Huddson,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quiet a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J. Huddson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1: June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2: July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off in 5-minute intervals.
3: July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4: July 19: Walked up to an empolyee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the empolyee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5: August 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a packet of M'n'Ms on layby.
6: August 16: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7: August 17: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which 20 children obliged.
8: August 23: When a clerk asked him if they could help him, he began crying and screamed "Why can't you people leave me alone?!" Police were called.
9: September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressents were.
10: September 16: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
11: October 3: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
12: October 6: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
13: October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14: October 21: When an annoucement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!!!"
And last but not least
15: October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "HEY! There's no toilet paper in here!"
One of the clerks passed out.

Hope that bought a smile to your faces. I know it did for me. - Rei

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