As I sit here at my desk, I feel confused. Not confused as to where I am or who I am, but what I'm doing. I haven't been here in this place since 2003. Way back in high school. You see, in high school it is safe to say I was a loser. I was an outcast, someone who was bullied and tormented everyday. My weight, my hair, my skin. Whatever else you can imagine, it became the subject of humiliation.
By the time
I turned seventeen, I had enough of it. I was in my own personal hell and I was
sick of the shit I had to go through. I was sick of the name calling, the
constant undermining of my opinion, the lack of support.
nothing against the school I went to. In fact, it was a great school. My
teachers loved me and in their eyes, I could do no wrong. My uniform was
impeccable, I was always on time and my assignments were always handed in a week
before they were due. Yes, I know. I make Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory
look like an actual superhero.
did I first pick up the book? June 7th, 2003. Why? I'm not sure. Did I
really want to hurt someone? Yes, probably. I confess, my heart is dark and no
matter what I say or who I'm with, I know I'll always be a 'dark'
getting into another school yard brawl with Hayley* I finally decided to do
something about it. Did I really believe in witchcraft? Up until that night I
didn't. I just saw it as another way to be considered a 'freak' among my
peers. It was something that I longed for. To be powerful. Respected.
bought hundreds of spell books during my Wicca phase back when I was 13. Dark
arts, spells for beginners, 101 ways to toast your enemies. I was in the
one of books, and a bag of supplies, I set out late at night. Did I really have
any idea as to what I was doing? God, no. But I knew that any alternate
reality was better then the hell I was currently living in. I arrived at the
school grounds and climbed the fence. I sat down in the middle of the football
field began my plan.
candles from my bag I began to chant. The first part of the spell I knew like
the back of my hand. I lit the candles, one by one, placing them around me in a
circle. Opening the book to where I had marked the page, I began my ultimate
revenge. I called upon a demon so heinous that it would take many years before
I forget the image of its face. Even now, thinking back, I can still see its
glowing red eyes, staring at me, freezing my soul.
afraid? Yes. I was shitting myself. I had no idea what I was invoking and I'm
pretty certain I had no idea what kind of power it would unleash if fully
to summon the creature, determined to end my misery. What scares me the most is
that it worked. Hayley never bothered me again. Whenever she spoke to me, I
could see it in her eyes. She feared me. It amused me.
found power served me well throughout the remainder of high school. But it
wasn't until the last day, right before graduation that I understood it in its
the bathroom, washing my hands, checking out my reflection, I noticed it. I
blinked, convincing myself that I was seeing things. I turned off the tap and
studied my reflection. Nope, I wasn't seeing things. Looking back at me was
me, with glowing red eyes.