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Monday, April 1, 2013

April Fool's Day

I had met Jenny when I was a freshman at college.  She was pretty, with long flowing brown hair and biggest, most soulful eyes I had ever seen.  But those eyes were her ultimate disguise.  What I didn’t expect was her love of surprises and no surprise was greater than waking up on the first April Fool’s Day that I knew her covered in honey with my ant farm tipped over beside my bed.

As I was doing a wild dance, dusting the ants off me the best I could with honey coated fingers, in burst Jenny, laughing and clapping, her brown eyes dancing with delight as she repeatedly shouted “April Fool’s, April Fool’s.”

From that point on I had an obsession with the day known as April Fool’s. 

Every year since I met her, Jenny had always bested me when it came to practical jokes.  The year I snuck into her dorm room, grabbed her clothes and left them all under a hot shower was the year she snuck into my room and froze mine with liquid nitrogen from the chemistry lab.

Then there was the year that I hired someone to kidnap her, only for her to outwit me and have them nab her roommate instead so she was free to put a laxative in my food before sealing the toilet seats with industrial strength super glue. 

Year after year, Jenny had humiliated me.  I thought once I left college the shame of the day wouldn’t follow me.  But somehow, and I don’t know how, Jenny always made it her mission to out prank me on April 1.

This year I had to beat her at her own game.

I had relished in the news of the gruesome discovery of my St. Patrick’s Day massacre for a week as police tried to piece together what had happened.  I had been extra cautious in covering up my crime so they couldn’t possibly link me too it. 

The city was in fear.  Fifteen-hundred people are brutally murdered and no one had any idea as to how. 

The stories were fascinating.  Gang wars, a drug bust gone bad, disgruntled employee with too much time on his hands….The excuses and ideas were very creative.  One reporter showed up on my doorstep and asked why I hadn’t been among the victims.  My response was simple; “I hadn’t been invited.”

After he left, I turned my attention to the calendar that hung in the hallway.  I had circled the first of April.  I had to start preparing.

The next night I got into my car and travelled to see my informant.  Jenny had moved away from the city after April last year and was unaware of what I had planned for her.

My informant had tracked her down and she was working at a road side diner.  For a faintest of moments I felt pity for her.  She had been a wonderful student, getting straight A’s, but when the economy crashed, she had lost her job and was forced to move out of her fancy two bedroom apartment.

Now she was residing in some flea-bag motel, paying by the night while working as a waitress in a diner and truck stop.  I could only imagine all the creatons she had encountered in her year. 

A faint smile appeared on my face.  I bet she didn’t have any time to think of a prank this year.

I followed my informant’s directions until I came to the diner.  I parked my car across the street and watched as trucks came and went.  Filthy truckers, cursing loudly, left the diner, rubbing their large bellies, satisfied by their greasy meal.

Then there she was.

Even from a distance I could tell she had lost her spark.  Her brown hair was oily, and her eyes weren’t sparkling.  She was thin and frail, her face gaunt as though she had lost too much weight.  She wasn’t the same Jenny anymore.  Her BMW had been traded in for an old clunker of a car that I watched her get into.  She had to pry the door open.  From across the street I could hear her pleading with it to open.

The car rumbled and rattled as it pulled out of the parking lot and began driving down the highway.  I followed, staying close enough to keep an eye on her, but far enough back so she wouldn’t see me.

I watched as she took the next exit, driving slowly, carefully.  Even from my vantage point I could see something wasn’t quite right.

There was an intersection up ahead.  Its red light stared menacingly at us as we slowed to a stop.  The back of Jenny’s car was badly dented as though she had been in a recent accident.

I stared at her little Toyota, my eyes fixed on the dent.  It wouldn’t take much for me to rev my Mustang and just slam into her, sending her car into the ditch on the side of the road.

I revved my engine, my dark eyes narrowing.  I saw her hand reach up to adjust her review mirror.  I quickly lowered the brim of my hat so she couldn’t see my face.  The last thing I needed was Jenny seeing me and spoiling my surprise.

The light turned green and she turned left.  As I rounded the corner I saw the motel that my informant said she called home.

My car came to a stop on the street as I watched her pull into the parking space for room six.  I watched as she climbed out of the car and made her way into her room.

I could feel a smile appearing on my face.  This time Jenny would be the one to suffer.

For the next few days I followed her to and from work.  With each day she looked worse, her skin was pale, her hair limp.  She looked like she hadn’t eaten a decent meal in a year.

The night before April 1, I followed her back to the motel from the dinner.  Like the last few nights, I parked on the street while she got out of her car and returned to the dingy motel room that she now called home.

Glancing over my shoulder into the back seat, I reached out, grabbing a box that I had carefully wrapped in green, yellow and red wrapping paper.  She will never know what’s coming.

Holding the box to my chest, I got out of my car and quickly moved along the wall of the motel, keeping to the shadows.  Looking around wildly I saw that the coast was clear so I dashed over to her car.  I placed the box carefully on the matt outside her motel door.

The curtains were parted slightly so I peaked inside.  Jenny was sitting on the bed, rubbing her feet, her shoe in hand.  She stood up, turning her back to me and unzipped her dress.  I watched with interest as her dress fell to the floor.  She removed her black lace bra and panties before grabbing a simple white towel and moving towards the dank bathroom located at the back of the room.

As the door to the bathroom closed, I turned back to her car. 

The paint was chipped and peeling.  There were rust points all over it and the roof was two different colors.  I grabbed hold of the handle, wondering if the locking mechanism would even work on such a rust bucket.

The door opened with ease.  I knew it would.  I hadn’t seen her lock it.  That’s most likely because even thieves wouldn’t bother stealing this piece of crap.

I glanced at my watch.  It was nearing midnight.  Only a few more minutes and it’d would be officially April Fool’s Day.  Only a few more minutes before I pay Jenny back for all the rotten pranks she played on me. 

Keeping an eye on her door, I climbed into her car.  Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a mini camera and screwdriver.  I spent the next few minutes attaching the camera to her dashboard right in front of her steering wheel.  Pulling out my phone, I logged into an account and checked to make sure the camera worked.

Sure enough, the image of my face appeared on my phone.  I smiled and hammed it up for the camera.  I wanted to capture the very moment she opened my surprise on camera.  I had to see her face. 

I grabbed the package from the matt and placed it carefully in the passenger seat before closing her car door quietly and carefully.

Making my way back through the shadows of the night, I began to chuckle to myself, thinking about how surprised Jenny would be.

I climbed back into my car and waited.

At exactly 9:27AM, Jenny exited her motel room.  I watched her wave good morning to a neighbor before climbing into her car.  I pulled out my phone and logged in. 

The camera was in the perfect position to capture her facial expressions.  At first I saw confusion.  She opened the car door and called out to her neighbor asking if they had seen anyone approach her car this morning.  The neighbor shook their heads.

Confused, Jenny glanced back to the package.  Biting her lower lip she grabbed the package, pulling into her lap.  Glancing around wildly, she fumbled with the ribbon before ripping the paper to shreds.

Her mouth dropped open, her eyes misting over as she saw the contents.  Atop the contents was a small white card.  She opened it and her eyes danced with delight as she fingered a pile of crisp $100 bills. 

“I know you’re having a hard time, so here’s something to make today seem a little brighter.”

What?  You thought I would harm her?  How cruel do you think I am?



  1. Did not see that end coming! Great story as usual. Loved the ending. I really thought he was going to kill her.

  2. Nice ending, Rei. I thought for sure there would be a massive prank or slaughter happening at the end. Cliffhanger. What's next in this series?

  3. ReiRei, chicka, this rocks. Great story.

  4. Eek. You had me all set up to think that he was going to kill her and then you switched it on me. Nice job.

  5. Holy Shit - this creeped me out for most of it. I was like everyone else, wondering what was in the box and whether or not he was going to kill her but I did not see that ending coming at all! Fanfuckingtastic!!!

  6. Some of those pranks seemed very familiar to me....

    Fantastic story. Rhiannon Irons once again scares the shit out of us before turning everything on its head and showing us that nothing is as it seems. Loving this story.